It’s another look into JOE’s awkward psyche, but this time we’re also putting the focus on you.
There’s no judgement here, dear friends, all we’re trying to do is start a few conversations up and down the pubs and sitting rooms of Ireland.
We’re also looking for anyone who wouldn’t offer up their seat on a bus to a little old lady to be shunned forever.
As we said, no judgement…
Do you hand money back after finding it?
You’re at a petrol station, you see what looks like €50.00 lying on the ground. You investigate… Yessss!!! Pints!!!
Then the nagging at the back of your mind starts. Maybe this is a student who won’t eat for a week now. Maybe it’s an unemployed person who’s just lost almost a quarter of his or her dole.
Or maybe it belonged to some business type who just poops money and won’t even miss it. Plus, the lad behind the counter in the petrol station will just pocket it anyway.
Verdict: Ker-ching.
You’ve just seen someone sneeze, do you shake their hand as you get introduced?
This is an easy one – you go in for the Presidential fist bump instead. There’s no situation that won’t be alleviated by a Presidential fist bump.
Do you thank the bus driver or not?
There are two schools of thought on this. 1) He or she is just doing their job and most of them are grumpy feckers, or 2) it’s nice to be nice. Well, we were brung up to be courteous gentlemen so we’ll always say thanks (unless he’s been a growling pr*ck who questioned our fare.)
Do you tip the barber?
Yes. A couple of euro. Don’t be a cheapskate, especially when you can probably find someone to trim those sideburns and curl up your hipster moustache for €7.
If you break something in a shop, when nobody sees you, do you tell a member of staff?
We’re ashamed to admit that, in this case, we’re likely to be the Bart Simpson “I didn’t do it” kid. We’re not terribly proud of the fact, but it’s so much easier to walk away than face the disappointment of a random stranger, and the awkward bit where they tell you not to worry about it, but please leave the premises immediately.
Tip: Don’t whistle as you walk away. Dead giveaway.
If you’re driving and you see a neighbour waiting in the rain for a bus, do you offer them a lift even though you barely know them?
You lower the window, ask them where they’re going and hope to feck that they’re heading in the opposite direction.
(The object of this article is to be truthful – you may not like us very much afterwards.)
Your best mate is going to the cinema to see something you hated – do you tell him or her that it’s a pile of shite?
Nah. To each their own. They may even think Get Hard is the best thing they’ve ever seen, but if they do you have every right to sever the friendship immediately.
You finally got a seat on the bus, you’re knackered, an old lady gets on but there’s no seat for her – do you stand up?
Yes. Every time. Without exception.
We don’t pass all of life’s little moral tests, but come on…
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