Small talk, small talk, small talk…
Are you ready for this meeting?
No? Well, don’t worry, neither are we.
We are ready for the eight conversations you’ll hear in every Irish office though… thank god for procrastination.
“Did you see last night’s episode of *insert trendy show*?”
It doesn’t matter if it’s House of Cards, Breaking Bad or Game of Thrones, there’ll always be one person who’ll ruin your day with a spoiler.
They just couldn’t resist from telling you that Heisenberg kills Francis Underwood during an episode called the Red Wedding.
*JOE walks away nervously*
“They’re definitely scoring. DEFINITELY.”
“How do you know?”
“Did you not see the way he acted when they were both at the photocopier? He let her go first. I mean, come on.”
“Be careful where you leave your grub. That guy nicks from the fridge.”
Having your name in GIANT letters printed across the top of your lunch box is clearly not enough to indicate it’s your food.
“Did you do anything nice over the weekend? No? Well I was *insert greatest thing you can imagine*”
Every office has a serial bragger. No matter what you’ve done or will do, they’ve done better. Or so they’ll have you believe.
You’re going on holidays to Tenerife?
Well, they’re going to Eleven-erife.
“Sport, sport, sport, sport, sport”
What, you don’t follow sport? How the hell are you supposed to avoid talking about feelings if you don’t follow sport?
Quick! Google ‘sporty things to talk about.’
“It’s their turn to clean the dishes/take out the rubbish/tidy the kitchen”
Many Irish offices save money by suggesting their employees clean up after themselves.
This is obviously madness and usually ends when the passive aggressive clean-freak loses it with the office slob.
“They never do anything and everyone is really fed up”
There’s always one person who cruises through their day without doing a tap. ALWAYS.
“Did you read that article on JOE?”
“The one about Irish offices? We don’t talk like that at all. Do we?”
Yes you do.
So there you have it, 8 things you’ll definitely overhear in an Irish office. ‘How do we know?’
Because we’ve said all of them ourselves.
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