Send a raven.
As ever, SPOILER ALERT! Here are some of our favourite moments from this week’s episode.
Master of Quotes – Best Line
Slaver to Tyrion: “The dwarf lives until we find a cock merchant”. Eh, WTF? That’s an actual job?
The North Remembers – Best Scene
Jorah Mormont hasn’t exactly enamoured himself to Game of Thrones’ fans, double-crossing Dany and kidnapping Tyrion will do that, but his fatal case of greyscale has added a bit of tragedy to his character.
Those scenes with Tyrion continue to impress, especially the look of sorrow on his face after hearing his father was murdered, while you would almost be swayed by the passion and conviction in his voice when speaking about Dany’s legitimacy as heir to the Iron Throne.
By our counts, Littlefinger is now engaged in a quadruple cross and he’s probably even managed to confuse himself with his own scheming plans at this stage.
Chaos is a ladder and all that jazz.
Littlefinger got about 12 scams going on at the same time….#DemThrones
— We #JustOutcheaTalking (@lawdog1911) May 18, 2015
Any moment when Cersei is on screen is a joy to behold, her words are as sharp as that piercing glance, and those scenes with Lady Olenna were brilliant as they argued over Ser Loras’ fate and the shakiest alliance in the Seven Kingdoms.
We couldn’t help but laugh at her delivery of the line “this testimony is an insult to a great house” during the trial. That look of smug satisfaction after Margaery was taken away is worth this week’s award alone.
Valar Morghulis – Best Death
There was some violence but very little bloodshed. Who knows, maybe it’s going to be all sunshine, lollipops and rainbows in Westeros from here on in?
We doubt it.
We’ve opted for Arya’s very significant killing though as she displayed the cold-blooded ruthlessness to be a faceless assassin but also managed to keep her soul intact.
“A girl is not ready to become no one, but she is ready to become someone else”.
Sub-category: Death count – As mentioned above, just the one person met their maker this week.
GoT X-Rated
It was another miserable episode for fans of Sansa Stark as the heir to Winterfell endured the most uncomfortable bath that we’ve ever seen but that paled in comparison to her wedding night.
Here’s hoping that she gets revenge soon. We have a feeling that candle will be lit in the tower.
Mother of Dragons – Best Beast Scene
There was no dragons or Khaleesi on offer this week but we were treated to the Sand Snakes in full-on combat against Jamie and Bronn.
Anyway, you’ll have to imagine dragons for the time being.
Sticks and Stones and Swords – Best Insult
There wasn’t a clear winner this week so take your pick from;
Litttlefinger to Lancel Lannister : ‘We both pedal fantasies brother, mine just happen to be entertaining’
or
Jamie : ‘I like to improvise’.
Bronn : ‘ That explains the golden hand’.
or
Olenna on approaching Kings Landing : ‘You can smell the shit from 5 miles away’.
You Know Nothing – The WTF Moment
There really is only one scene that everyone is talking about.
Sansa and Ramsay’s wedding night was an incredibly harrowing, tough and ugly scene to watch but the director’s decision to cut-away to a close-up of Theon was clever and powerful.
Still though, the scene has rightfully divided Game Of Thrones fans and even required this response from George RR Martin. 
Stealing The Throne – This Week’s Best Character
Without a doubt this week belongs to the Queen Mother, Cersei Lannister.
The venom in her line – when speaking with Littlefinger about the Bolton’s treacherous plans – ‘I will skin him and his bastard like that bloody wretch on his sigil’ was fantastic.
You also get the impression that every sentence, decision and word that was uttered during Ser Loras’ trial was carefully planned by her. She’s the Queen bee.
From Wicklow to Westeros – Where did Aiden Gillen’s Irish accent land?
We’re going to let Twitter decide that topic.
I can’t quite place Littlefinger’s accent but I *think* it’s somewhere between Barbados and Hartlepool. #GameOfThrones
— IncrediblyRich (@IncrediblyRich) May 18, 2015
@STFUKirbs @RachaelKrishna I have literally no idea what Littlefinger is doing half the time. His accent is a handy metaphor for that.
— Daniel Carpenter (@DanCarpenter85) May 18, 2015
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