What if men honestly answered every question that their partner asked them?

Sometimes honesty isn't the best policy

Paul Moore

What if men honestly answered every question that their partner asked them?

Sometimes honesty isn’t the best policy.

I’ll happily admit that I haven’t seen every episode of Dr Phil but I’m pretty certain that he signs off each show by telling people that they should be honest, communicate better and all that other mumbo jumbo crap.

Relationships can be tricky because most men will be asked questions on a daily basis. Sometimes it can feel like you’re walking through a minefield, wearing a blindfold and absolutely hammered.

We’ve all been asked some of these questions and while we instantly know the correct answer, what would it be like if you gave an incredibly truthful answer?

FYI, nearly all of these replies will get you a one-way ticket to the doghouse.

The question: How do I look in this?
Context: She wants a second opinion on her clothes.
What you want to say: I have no fecking clue about ladies fashion, nor do I want one.

Question: Do you mind if we watch something else?
Context: You’re both flicking through the channels looking for something to watch on TV.
What you want to say: Sure, please don’t pick something that’s god awful. No. E! Entertainment. Please Jebus.

Question: Do you know the way that you want to make me a cup of tea?
Context: Phrasing a question as a statement. Oldest trick in the book.
What you want to say: I really don’t. Make it yourself!

Question: Are you going to eat that?
Context: You’re starving and the only thing left is that ‘thing’ that has been in your fridge for weeks.
What you want to say: Of course, in fact if you weren’t here asking me, it would be gone already.

Question: Can you not just record the match and watch it later? The score won’t change.
Context: She wants to watch TV while you’re watching a game.
What you want to say: I think we should see other people.

Question: Why don’t we have a cat?
Context: The endless stream of memes and cat videos on Facebook have taken their toll.
What you want to say: All cats are soulless bastards. A dog though? Now we’re talking.

Question: What if I cheated on you?
Context: The inevitable back-handed way of testing how much you love her.
What you want to say: I’d break-up with you and then go mental with a haze of beers, craic and girls.

Question: Why don’t we ever do anything together?
Context: You’ve wasted another fine Saturday.
What you want to say: We literally see each other every day.

Question: Do you think she’s pretty?
Context: The inevitable one.
What you want to say: A choice of 1) does a bear s**t in the woods,, 2) wouldn’t kick her out of bed, 3) you betcha!

Question: What are you thinking about?
Context: Five minutes of silence have passed while you’re lying together in bed.
What you want to say: Sleep or sex. Both grand.

Question: Can I have five more minutes?
Context: She needs a little bit more time to get ready.
What you want to say: Nope I’m going ahead, meet you there?

Question: Did you hear what I just said?
Context: An important statement that you REALLY need to acknowledge, but your attention is elsewhere.
What you want to say: Sorry, you saying something?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kRsnUuX6pM

Question: What were your exes like?
Context: That talk.
What you want to say: If you’re very brave then say ‘sure ask your sister!’. If you value your life then I’d go with the line ‘they were all rich, gorgeous and adored me.’

Question: Why aren’t the dishes done?
Context: It was your time to do the housework but you didn’t.
What you want to say: Couldn’t be arsed to be honest. The Monorail episode of The Simpsons was on.

Question: Why did he just do/say that?
Context: You’re both watching a TV show and she’s looking for some clarity on a situation.
What you want to say: Did I write the fecking thing?