There ain’t no party like an Irish political party.
Now that the general election is on the cusp of being called, we can all start to think long and hard about who we want to form the next government (though we’d wager that the majority of you might already have your minds made up).
And while the election is undeniably very important with implications for pretty much every element of Irish life for the foreseeable future – we can’t help but ask ourselves, which of the prospective Taoisigh would we most like to go for a pint with.
This is our comprehensive ranking of Irish political party leaders, ranked by how much we’d like to go get drunk with them (and it should NOT be construed as political endorsement in any way, shape or form):
1) Gerry Adams, Sinn Féin
The clear winner. Considering Gerry’s chequered background and his tumultuous journey through Irish history and politics, it’s likely that he has more stories to tell than former primary school-teacher Enda Kenny or chartered accountant Joan Burton.
Even the modern-day Gerry is rather entertaining, constantly using his Twitter to communicate his often bonkers thoughts to the people of Ireland.
Dreamt I was eating Cream Eggs. Woke up this morn. Pillow & beard covered in chocolate & cream thingymebob.
— Gerry Adams (@GerryAdamsSF) January 25, 2014
2) Stephen Donnelly/Catherine Murphy/Roisin Shortall, Social Democrats
Probably wouldn’t let you join in with their social democrat in-jokes and they’ll be busy fawning over Bernie Sanders’ success in the recent Iowa caucus. The upside is that there are three of them, so you might get three rounds in without paying for a drink and then sneak out before your round.
3) Micháel Martin, Fianna Fáil
For the leader of Ireland’s most historically prominent political party, Micháel Martin is pretty good at keeping a low profile. Besides his involvement in the party that was in power at the outset of the crash, there aren’t that many sticks to beat him with.
“Populism” is an accusation often levelled at the opposition party in Irish politics, and hopefully it’s true in Martin’s case. If it is, he’ll be willing to buy us a night’s supply of pints in exchange for our endorsement of his party.
Plus, if he’s anything like his predecessor he’ll be mad into the sesh, even on a worknight.
4) Enda Kenny, Fine Gael
By all accounts, Enda Kenny was a popular man in his heyday – a rousing speaker and a decent man for the GAA. You don’t get to where he in politics without being at least a bit engaging…
However, we’re not sure we’d be able to put up with his tendency to withhold information for needlessly lengthy periods of time.
Here’s how the WhatsApp conversation would go:
Us: When are we going for pints, Enda?
Enda: In 2016 sometime.
Us: Ah come on now, when?
Enda: Don’t worry, it’ll be in spring.
Us: Enda, please.
Enda: February… probably.
Us: That’s it, we’re ringing Richard Bruton.
5) Joan Burton, Labour
Our Tánaiste has proven that she’s not to be trusted on canoes when completely sober, so it would certainly be wise to keep her away from large and deep bodies of water when she’s had a few.
There’s also the very real possibility that she keeps you waiting, we hear that her car tends to get caught up in the odd blockade.
Chances are that she might invite you out under the pretence that she will pay for your pints, only to renege on that promise and end up making you pay for your tap water. You see what we’re doing there. It’s an Irish Water joke.
6) Lucinda Creighton, Renua
Can’t imagine less craic. Very, very likely that she’d make you feel guilty for having more than one drink.
7) Eamon Ryan, Green Party
The Greens were wiped out of the Dáil during the 2011 General Election but they’ll be hoping for a stronger showing this time around. Ryan was also recently defeated in a bid for a European Parliament seat. With all this in mind, we imagine that pints with him might quickly devolve into him crying into the crook of his arm, head on the soggy table.
We’ll pass. Sorry Eamo.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ podcast – listen to the latest episode now!
