Brought to you by Vhi.ie/dental
Here at JOE, we’ve been on our fair share of dates to know roughly what not to do if you want to be happy.
We’re happy to share the benefit of our experience. You’re welcome.
1. Make sure that the date exists in the real world and not just inside of your head
So it’s a date then! Or is it. Really. Is it?
Let’s recap on what’s just happened. You asked the person you fancy to meet you at a place later on. Nobody else bar the two of you has been mentioned. It seems like a date. But then again you are lonely and your panicked desperate mind may have embellished a throwaway bit of politeness into an invitation for an evening’s dinner and dancing.
Send your date-mate a message in the afternoon confirming the date. If they say, “what date?”, act like you sent a text to the wrong person to save your fragile ego.
2. Have a shower
You probably stink.
No offense but it’s probably true. Why wouldn’t you? You’ve got a big hot date coming up and you’re a walking blob of sweat. Have a shower or a bath. Don’t overdo it on the deodorant. A person who stinks of aftershave is a person who still stinks.
3. Dress to impress
“Dress for the job you want, not the job you have” is a bit of advice that sounds nice, but is utterly unrealistic. What if you’re a shop assistant who wants to work as a pirate?
If you don’t have any nice clothes, wear clean clothes. If you don’t have any clean clothes, borrow some. If you can’t borrow any have a look at your neighbour’s clothesline and test the boundaries of how much you care about this person.
4. Show up sober
We Irish aren’t the best when it comes to crisis management. We’re equally out of our depth when managing a non-crisis.
The common element in both forms of crisis is getting drunk.
Sure, it might help you to loosen up and get your nerves under control, but on the downside you’re setting a very bad impression. There’ll be plenty of time to have a drink and get to know one another. It may even help you bond.
Remember, they’ll have butterflies in their stomachs too.
5. Show up on time
You’re always late so why should this be different? Well, unlike work and school, this is actually important.
Find out how long it will take to go to your location and set off half an hour early. Your date may have the same idea and you’ll have more time together. Whatever happens, you don’t want to find yourself running late with no idea where to go.
Being late, sweaty and annoyed with yourself is no way to put your best foot forward.
6. Retire your A material
You’ve got some cracking stories and that one about yourself and your brother pretending you could speak French is great. You may have some great yarns in your back pocket, but here’s a thought: be in the moment. Don’t look for any available angle to crowbar in your story.
7. Ask questions
“How do I get to know them?” you may ask. Well, the answer’s in the question i.e. ask lots of questions. Where are they from? How many are in their family? First music they purchased on their own?
8. Listen
Yes. You. Shut up.
For once in your life close your mouth and make use of those flapping bits of skin on the side of your head. Is this someone you could hypothetically listen to for the rest of your life?
It is!? Great.
If it’s not, stop wasting one another’s time.
9. Don’t make a big deal over the bill
Either you pay it or go splits. If they want to pay, let them and you can get it next time.
10. Send them a message thanking them for a nice evening
Keep it short and sweet and send it once you go home. Once it’s been sent, give your phone to someone you trust and make them promise not to hand it back in case you’re tempted to send another message.
If they like you, they’ll text back eventually. If they don’t, move on knowing you gave yourself every possible advantage.
This article is brought to you by Vhi.ie/dental
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