“No matter how blue the water or high the palm tree is on someone’s Facebook profile, it does not show how happy they are…”
Irish photographer Sean Nee is currently living a life that most can only dream of, but as he explains in this touching open letter, being a surf guide in Indonesia isn’t all blue skies and sandy beaches.
Recently, Niall Breslin AKA Bressie spoke eloquently and opened up about depression on the Brendan O’Connor show saying: “”We have to wake up and understand that a vast majority of people in this country have experienced this, or dealt with loved ones who have or have had depression or anxiety, yet we are still unbelievably shadowed by it and it just really frustrates me.”
A lot of people responded to Bressie’s statements and while an open conversation is exactly what is needed to help better the situation, it shouldn’t take a celebrity to make Irish people wise up to mental health.
Depression and/or anxiety can happen to anyone and as Sean Nee tells us in his open letter, even those in paradise can feel alone and helpless.
The following are extracts from an incredibly honest letter that Sean sent into us titled: ‘An open letter about my history with depression and anxiety’.
Read the entire letter over on Sean’s website www.seanneephotography.com by clicking here.
Please take the time to read the letter below and if you feel the need to talk about any issues surrounding mental health, check out the links at the bottom of the page.
‘An open letter about my history with depression and anxiety’ by Sean Nee
“I am 29, single and free. I have no debts, future commitments or responsibilities. I am over 11,000 km from my home in Galway, on the southern tip of a remote island in the Indian Ocean lying 150km off the coast of Sumatra. I was offered a job out here as a surf guide at one of the few surf camps scattered around the different islands. I use the word “job”, but basically all I have to do each day is surf some of the best waves on the planet with the guests of the camp and take some photos.
“The chain of islands are called the Mentawais and are home to indigenous tribes living a primitive life deep in the jungle, as well as to many people from Padang and other parts of Sumatra attempting to start a new life on the frontier of the modern world.
“The only paved road is barely wide enough for two motorbikes to pass each other, and although new, it is already cracked and broken from the frequent tropical down-pours. In more recent years, the Mentawais have become a mecca for adventurous surfers.
“They venture out here after being exposed to images from movies and magazines of perfect blue water and endless reeling waves breaking over the shallow reefs off these islands. They come from all over the world in the hope of catching the best wave of their life. I was also captured by this dream.
“I am confused as to how I should feel right now. I feel restless and suffocated by a sensation like a strong elastic band wrapped tight around my ribcage constricting my lungs. My mind is racing between thoughts of self-hatred and self-harm. I feel unable to stop pulling the hairs out of my beard and my muscles ache.
“I look around me and see other people content with the moment, where as I am in a constant battle with it. My heart is hurting which is making my anxiety worse. I am trying to focus on writing, one – letter – at – a – time! But thoughts that everyone hates me or people might be talking about me are hard to push away; the anxiety grows. I can’t get comfortable, the fear is unbearable.
“My self-confidence is a diminishing drizzle and I feel paranoid. I believe no one here cares whether I exist or not. I am nothing. I am in a position I don’t deserve so I keep my head down and break all eye contact with the others. The only thing I can really focus on is how to end this feeling.
“I know it’s shocking, and with all these horrible feelings comes the vague and distant memory that this has happened before, but also that once upon a time, I was happier – that tiny spec of gold in the vast inhospitable landscape of the present is the only thing that keeps me from ending it right now.
“My symptoms came at a very young age – I am just getting a grasp on things now, but for an eight year old, experiencing such traumatising fear with no means to try to explain what was happening still cuts me up. I struggled with extreme anxiety and bouts of crippling depression all the way through school and having dyslexia amplified the problem.
“I had to cope with the frightening side effects of different medication and missed many weeks at a time of school. I would have to pick myself up and rebuild my shattered confidence each and every time I hit the bottom.
“I believe a good diet, exercise, meditation, staying social and spending time with family can really help but when you are at rock bottom, the colours are sucked out of life, you have no energy, motivation or concentration and all the things you used to enjoy mean little, if nothing. It really struck me one day when I was feeling really low and a song came on the radio which had been one of my favourite songs but this time, all it sounded like was a collection of meaningless noise.
“I am trying to understand why I decided to write this story and why the words you are reading have come out in this order. I suppose I wanted to give you an insight into the mind of someone with an illness of the mind and to explain how important it is to emotionally support each other.
“I also wanted to show people that no matter how blue the water or high the palm tree is on someone’s Facebook profile, it does not show how happy they are. I think I wrote this mostly for me, a therapy to help me not feel so alone, trapped in my thoughts. I hope this story has found someone going through a similar ordeal and that might help them in some small way to feel connected and acknowledged.
“For any young people reading this, or anyone who is suffering from depression or anxiety disorder, I hope I haven’t scared you. I have more good days than bad ones and I have felt love and joy many times. I know I will in the future – so will you!
“You may go through this rough patch but you can get through it. You will know yourself better and will have a greater empathy for others. Keep your heads held high.”
– By Sean Nee
Helplines:
Aware: 1890 303302
Samaritans: 1850 609090
Shine (Supporting People Affected by Mental Ill Health): 1890 621631
Console: 1800 201890
Pieta House: 01 601 0000
Reachout :01 764 5666
Pics via Sean Nee Photography
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