In the Midlands, when you say you’re going to the bog, you don’t mean the toilet.
Laois, Offaly, Longford and Westmeath are often overlooked when it comes to lists like this.
No more.
We’ve slammed the four of them together to provide you with a list of things only people from the Midlands understand.
1. Shop names MUST contain a ridiculous pun
Here at JOE, we love a good pun and so do Midlands shop owners, or so it seems.
From the stiffest furniture store in Longford, Big Mickey’s, to an enticing bar in Offaly, The Camán Inn, the Midlands is full of establishments with punned-out names.
There is also a hairdressers in Athlone called Curl Up & Dye, but our favourite shop-pun has to be the De-Laois-ious Kebab in Portarlington.
Never have we seen a more unnatural pun and we LOVE IT.
2. If you lose an All-Ireland semi-final simply sit on the pitch and it will be replayed
You may not know this, but the 1998 hurling All-Ireland winners, Offaly, lost a semi-final to Clare. The Banner were 3 points up and the referee blew the final whistle.
The only problem was that the referee had ended the match five minutes earlier than he should have. Disgruntled Offaly fans (AKA all Offaly fans) promptly threw their bottle out of the pram and held a sit-down protest.
The GAA later agreed to replay the match a week later. Offaly won and went on to claim an All-Ireland.
See, sulking does work sometimes.
3. It floods all the time, but we’re sort of used to it
This is a man in Athlone, reading a newspaper, in the middle of the River Shannon.
Because that’s how bad-ass Midlands people are.
It probably would have been a good idea to buy the metro edition though.
4. Athlone Town v Longford Town is the El Classico of the Midlands
Keith Gillespie once said it was the highlight of his career.
Of course we’ve no idea whether he was joking or not.
5. The Midlands was once the stop-off choice of thousands
Before we had motorways, car journeys from other parts of the country required at least one pit-stop.
All the rest of the country needed the Midlands to keep them alive on their 17 hour journey from darkest Mayo to Dublin to watch yet another All-Ireland final beat down.
Here are just a few of the places that kept the country alive before motorways: Harry’s of Kinnegad, Ferrick’s of Rathowen, The Grand Hotel in Moate and the Bridge House in Tullamore. Did you stop anywhere else? Tell us.
6. Laois has fantastic walking paths… but a lot of men aren’t able to find them
Here’s the sign for one of our favourites.
Apparently it’s a stimulating view.
Top of Reddit Ireland this morning with the headline, “They say it’s hard to find.” pic.twitter.com/1SJFIjAfmW
— Donie O’Sullivan (@donie) January 26, 2015
7. Robbie Henshaw is a national treasure
Robbie has played with Athlone GAA and Garrycastle GAA, before focussing on rugby with Buccaneers and Connacht.
An example of those Gaelic football skills that Robbie Henshaw referred to #IREvENG #6Nations pic.twitter.com/kkpeakYdhG
— Athlone GAA (@AthloneGAA) March 1, 2015
He’s now Ireland’s star centre and has been nominated for the ‘Player of the Tournament’ award in the Six Nations. Not bad for a young lad from Coosan.
8. If you’re going celeb hunting, you should probably start in Laois
Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are regulars at the Storm cinema in Portlaoise at this stage.
While, 50 Shades of Grey star, Jamie Dornan loves a nice oul pint in Ossory, Co.Laois.
9. Mullingar is the home of the stars
We could talk about Bressie and Niall Horan until we’re blue in the face, but everyone knows it’s the late Joe Dolan who put Mullingar on the musical map.
Here’s the iconic statue which was built in the square in Mullingar.
10. You got the shift in Harriers
If you were from the Midlands and a teenager, this was the only place for you. You probably got the bus, which was as much craic as the disco itself.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the refreshing truth about The Midlands.
With thanks to Sprite, we’ve brought the refreshing truth, along with Handy Sandie, The Viper, Karl Spain and Eric Lalor, to campuses in Galway, Dublin, Limerick and Cork.
Our final stop on The Sprite Refreshing Truth Tour is NUI Maynooth this Thursday 26 March.
What’s the craic? It’ll be a comedy roast with an Irish twist. The one and only Fred Cooke will be defending Maynooth, while the other three comedians tell the hilarious yet refreshing truth.
To sign up for the event, and to be in with a chance to win some epic prizes, click here.
Sprite, the truth is refreshing.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ podcast – listen to the latest episode now!
