Are any of these familiar?
Relationships can be a tricky thing because for every person that makes you happy there are always those that should come with a warning that reads ‘avoid this person like the plague.’
While there are no two women in the world that are alike, it still hasn’t stopped me from attempting to annoy and alienate every singe woman that I’ve ever or will ever meet in my life take a look at the traits of those girls who are now of my romantic past.
I’m also well aware that men are far from easy to deal with; girls please let us know about your experiences if you like, but these are just some of my own.
Marvellous Michelle
I’d wager that most guys have one ex-girlfriend that they still think about. Maybe you were foolish, stupid or felt that you were trading up at the time but the years haven’t always been kind to your decision at the time. A bit like Liverpool selling Suarez then.
Hey, as Charlie Sheen says ‘there’s no such thing as a bad plan, there’s just a lack of will to execute them’ but that still doesn’t make this choice seem any better. More fish in the sea and whatnot eh?
Advice from Amy
The conversation from her goes like this:
“You’re breaking up with me! Well this is the worst thing that you’ll ever do. You’ll never meet someone like me. I’m so much better than you. You’ll never be as happy. You’re too lazy, immature, afraid of commitment (cue endless stuff that’s used to make you look bad).”
I swear to God, if I didn’t know any better then she was actually making a list of things in her head that she hated about me while we were dating. She’s probably delighted that she now has a chance to unload, it would be a shame to see all that perceptive and accurate work go to waste.
Of course, it’s all lies though. *Cough, cough*.
Still would Sarah
Have you ever finished things with a girl and then found yourself back in her apartment a few days later? Yep, we all have.
There’s always that strange three-week period after a break-up when you keep telling yourself ‘nope we’re definitely broken-up this time’ as you’re sneaking out of her apartment.
I’m not complaining though. Not even a little.
Regretful Rachel
Ever thought to yourself, ‘ah Christ I made a massive mistake there, she’s class.’ This usually happens when you’re single, drinking and listening to The Smiths on repeat like some saddo. That’s probably just me then.
Tara and her texts
Its been seven years since you broke up with her or had any semblance of communication. It’s now Stephen’s Day and you’re happy with your new missus.
Still you receive the text, ‘in the local, you about? Miss you 😉 x’.
Clingy Ciara
She cheated on you, insulted your best friend, broke your iPod and accidentally flooded your apartment while shrinking your favourite football jersey in the wash. Why is she still hanging around?
Someone call the Ghostbusters or something.
Daggers from Deirdre
Have you ever bumped into your ex on a night out on the town and made the fatal mistake of smiling or waving at them? It’s usually greeted with a look that could bend steal.
Creep on Claire
She’s the girl that broke up with you and has now confirmed the cliche that you’ve heard a million times before, ‘you always want what you can’t have.’
It’s grand though because there’s nothing weird about looking at her Facebook page, checking her Twitter timeline or thinking about some overly-dramatic way of winning her back.
Nothing creepy at all.
Lucy is Lucifer
If Daenerys Targaryen from Game of Thrones is the Mother of Dragons then this ex is the mother of all pains in your arse.
Drastically different Denise
She looks completely different from the last time that you saw her. Is it the hair, clothes or the fact that she’s actually happy to be single. No, no it can’t be that.
She must have a twin that you never knew about during the seven years that you dated her. Crafty girl, she kept that quiet.
Don’t worry if you’re single though because there’s still hope. You’ll probably find yourself dating one of these very nice ladies at some point.
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