Brothers and sisters, they’re not always a blessing.
Regardless of the age differences between you and your other brothers and sisters, I’d wager that most people will remain incredibly close to their siblings because it’s a special thing that can’t be matched.
Yes, you’ll argue about lots of petty things but ultimately the pros outweigh the cons by about a million to one.
There are five children in my own family and here are just some of the truisms that I’ve learned.
1) School uniforms were always hand-downs from the eldest
God love you if you’re the baby because it’s more than likely that your secondary-school trousers had more holes in them than QPR’s defense.
Cue your mam saying, “you’re not getting a new pair until next year. There’s only three months left in school this year. I’ll stitch them together. They’ll be grand.”
This was a minor problem though when compared to being dressed in the same clothes as your brother. Yeah, cheers mam, we now look even creepier than those two twins in The Shining.
2) The scrap for the favourite chair
Every kitchen table has the ‘better’ chair. During the winter months, it’s the chair that’s nearest the radiator but during the remaining seasons, it’s the one that has the best view of the TV. There was always a fight for this seat and the shotgun rules didn’t apply.
3) The designated internet slot
For all of you that remember the pre-WiFi era, there was nothing worse than picking up the phone, pressing it your ears and hearing that awful dial-up tone. Jaysus, it was like a constipated bag of cats that were screeching over each other from the inside of a blender.
The next thing that was heard in the house was someone screaming ‘who lifted up the phone! It’s MY TIME to use the internet!’ Now I have to dial-up again.’
4) The following things constitute a declaration of war
Between sisters – wearing each other’s clothes without permission.
For brothers – constantly rubbing it in that you beat them on FIFA.
5) Being passed off as twins
If there’s a minimum of two years between you and your nearest sibling, then your parents probably passed you off as twins at some point in order to save some money on a holiday.
Cue endless arguments stating “we can’t be twins because she’s ugly and I’m not.”
6) Making a patsy out of the youngest
Hands up if you’ve said the following before “run around to the shops there and get me an ice-pop. I bet that you can’t get back here in less than ten minutes. I’ll time you.”
Cue your youngest brother or sister absolutely legging it like this.
7) The Christmas morning wait until everyone was up
Speaking from my own experience, Christmas is a family moment but we all had to wait until everyone was awake before we got to open our presents.
There’s always one person though that loves their sleep so much that you might actually have an easier time waking the dead than them.
8) You have no identity when you’re in secondary-school
Teachers constantly call you by the name of your older sibling and they’ll naturally compare your brains to theirs. I’ll let you argue with your brothers or sisters about who’s the smartest.
9) Thick as thieves
The golden rule is as follows, if any of you break something then don’t rat each other out to the folks.
If anyone ever broke this rule then you usually got the following.
10) The dinner contract
I’ve already discussed the specific set of rules that have to be adhered to at an Irish dinner table but you still have to be smart. If you hate sprouts then make a deal with your brother/sister that can eat them.
In return, you’ll have to do the dishes or eat their turnips etc.
11) The sins of one are passed on
If one of your folks is in a foul mood then everyone should abide by Walter White’s famous words and ‘tread lightly’.
There was nothing worse than seeing your brother do something stupid, light your Dad’s fuse and watch as everyone got burned.
If your brothers room was messy it would naturally set your parents off on the warpath.
Truth.
12) Jealousy when you find out that someone else got a treat
Why did they get ice-cream and I didn’t? Is this a regular thing? I always knew that you were the favourite.
Sometimes parents just can’t win.
13) You’re constantly compared to the others
The conversation goes like this:
Randomer: You look so much like your older brother.
Other randomer: Not at all. He’s exactly like Julia was when she was his age.
Randomer: Yeah, I can see that. But do you not think that he looks like Brian when he turns to the left. G’wan there, turn to the left.
You: Eh, who are you again?
14) Forced apologies are the worst
If you acted the maggot and were caught by your parents then the initial punishment was bad – banned from playing the SNES – but what followed next was the cherry on top of the s**t cake that was your day.
Being forced to apologise to your brother or sister, through grinning teeth of course, was the most humiliating thing possible. It’s like admitting defeat in a never ending war.
15) The baby gets away with murder
An undeniable fact, like gravity or maths.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ podcast – listen to the latest episode now!
