We’ve all been there.
1) Rushing
Don’t swipe before you look. This is a bad idea for two reasons. First, Tinder now gives its users a limited number of Likes, and once you run out you’ve got to wait 12 hours for more.
Second, if you’re not thinking clearly there’s every chance you’ll left-swipe the woman (or man) of your dreams – which means you’ll have to delete your Tinder account and start the whole painstaking process all over again.
2) Matching with cyborg-prostitutes
You’re not quite as good as you think you are at distinguishing cyborgs from humans. Handy tip: if you match with a blonde bombshell from the Czech Republic who seems way too hot for you, you’re about to get a message like this…
So to recap, you’re looking for “skilled and very intimate in bed”? You have come to exactly the wrong place, Madeline.
3) “Hey”
The classic opener. The one chat-up line that never fails, mainly because it sets out to achieve nothing at all. Still, marginally preferable to…
3.5) The cold shoulder treatment
While being quiet, brooding and mysterious probably used to be attractive back in the days that people would flirt with each other in 3D, it does very little for you across a Wi-Fi connection.
4) Having anything that isn’t you as your profile picture
Your car? No.
Your child? No.
Steven Gerrard? No.
You? ✓
5) “Completing the game”
Running out of potential matches is not a good feeling, and it is not improved by Tinder offering to help you invite your friends in the same way your aunt offered to take you to your debs… Was that just me?
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