Forget names before the introductory handshake finishes? Fear not. JOE’s careers expert Eoghan McDermott has a way for anyone to remember names from first encounters.
People say they’re bad with names? They’re not. They’re just lazy.
Names are vital to developing relationships with people. Names give you an insight into the person’s history, background, beliefs. Each and every one of us has our name hard-wired into us.
Even people who suffer from Alzheimer’s rarely forget their own name. In Intensive Care Units around the world, and on TV, people have their names shouted at them, because if somebody will react to anything, it’ll be their name. Names are vital.
I work for a company that trains people called The Communications Clinic. (Sorry about the plug – but it is necessary). One of the first things course participants notice is the lack of name plates. We never use name plates. We believe that nameplates automatically damage the relationship with people, because instead of concentrating on them and learning who they really are, your concentration is half on the easy prompt of the name-plate.
Sometimes on our courses, we’d have a room with 20 participants and it is our job to learn each and every one of those names and remember them. Usually, it is a more manageable six or seven people.
Here’s how we do it:
Rule 1: Make sure you hear each new name, and get it right
If the room is noisy or you simply aren’t sure what was said, be sure to clarify. “Was it Marie or Marie?”, “Is it Caroline, or Carolyn?” My wife’s name is Carolyn. At this stage, she has given up correcting people when they call her Caroline. She claims she doesn’t mind, but she notices when someone gets it right.
Rule 2: Use the name immediately, but don’t over use it
Examples – “Nice to meet you Marie. So tell me Marie, how do you feel about Peter’s recent promotion?” Over using someone’s name makes people uncomfortable. I had a client who I had to tell to stop using my name so regularly.
You may say that’s harsh, but it was every 30 seconds and it got to the point where I had stopped listening to what he actually wanted me to hear, because I was so busy having internal bets with myself that he’d do again in 27 seconds.
Rule 3: Quote people by name
“Sean, Ciara was saying that….”
Watch out for the normal names like John or Pat. You’ll forget them. Unusual names are easier to remember. Ireland is now a multicultural society, so when you need a first name, ask for it. But ask for it as a first name. Asking someone for their Christian name is not recommended, especially if they’re Muslim, Jewish or Atheist.
When writing to someone, whether it’s a covering letter or an email, be sure to spell it correctly. My name can be spelt three ways – Owen, Eoin, Eoghan. If someone sends me a letter with either of the first two, they’re already on a downer.
Two final things…
Begin formally the first time you meet someone – so their title goes in. “Ah, Mr McDermott, this is my first interview. What happens next?” And if they correct you: “Just call me Eoghan. The interview will begin with…” Then use the version they corrected you to. And if they do use a title to refer to themselves, follow their lead.
Second, watch out for shortening or instant use of nicknames. There’s a guy in our office whose name is Gerard. He tends to use Ger for pretty much everything. Quite often salespeople will decide, during the first phone call, that in order to be even more friendly, they will not only use his name repeatedly they will change it to “Gerry” even though he has never referred to himself as such. This is usually terminal.
Of course, the most important application of these skills is not in work. Getting the name right is the first step to successful “chatting up” or whatever young people call it nowadays. And remembering the name the morning after could be the start of something beautiful.
If you have a question about your job or career that Eoghan could help you with, why not email JOE at shout@joe.ie?
Eoghan McDermott is Head of The Careers Clinic in The Communications Clinic and is the author of The Career Doctor – How to Get and Keep the Job You Want.
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