Modern cars are filled with some incredibly cool gadgets these days, but there’s always room for improvement and we’re here with some suggestions.
Dependent on the model of car, you can have windscreen wipers that decide when to turn themselves on, you can get an infrared view of the road ahead at night and there are even cars out there that can park themselves.
That said, we think the manufacturers are missing a trick or two. And so, without any regard for legal or safety implications, we give you our list of five gizmos that would improve the Irish motoring experience.
Pop-up motorway service stations
We don’t have enough motorway service stations and if you follow signs leading off the motorways indicating that fuel and other services are at hand, you have no way of knowing whether you’ll have to drive on empty for two minutes or twenty.
Why not be able to call ahead and arrange to have a pop-up service station waiting for you just before you run out of fuel? A kindly young lady with a hang sandwich, a bottle of water, a couple of cans of fuel (one diesel and one petrol) and a funnel to pee in would do.
Voice activated cruise control blocker
I know people who put on the cruise control and forget they’re the ones doing the driving. Rather than have them stumble about trying to find the foot pedals as a lorry zooms ever closer, a simple loud command such as FUUUUUUUUCK!!!!! TRUUUUUUUUCK!!!!! should result in the instant application of the brakes.
The annoyance projector
How many times has someone in front of you done something incredibly stupid and you’ve wanted to give them a piece of your mind? And not just give them a stern look as you pass them, but actually tell them what you think. Without getting out of the car.
A bit like the projector that beams into the sky to tell Batman that Gotham is having a bit of bother, it’d be great to have a projector built into the back of your car that featured voice-recognition technology and beamed exactly what you have to say about the eejit in front of you directly onto their windscreen.
A hitchhiker ejector seat
Out of the goodness of your heart you stop and give someone a lift. They turn out to be headwreckers. Awkward. Once they’re in it’s very hard to get rid of them… unless you have an ejector seat. Fast, efficient and incredibly satisfying.
Could also be used with annoying girlfriends.
The Pleasurer
Like a fleshlight, only… Actually, exactly like a fleshlight. Specifically a motorised fleshlight based under the dashboard that makes itself known to you on long journeys. The same sensors in the seats that tell the driver if there’s someone sitting there who isn’t wearing their seatbelt could be used to ensure that The Pleasurer only pops out when you’re alone.
Manufacturers could include The Pleasurer in their brochures of optional extras. Whether they take this suggestion on board, however…
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