It’s the most wonderful time of the year… despite the vast majority of Irish households following a familiar pattern every single Christmas.
1. All the family attends midnight mass on Christmas Eve
Sure, 90 per cent of the family might not have seen the inside of the Church since this time last year, but Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve – which starts at any time between 8 and 9.30pm in most Irish towns – is the one mass each year that everyone in the family is happy to attend without the mammy in the family having to goad or guilt anyone into making the effort.
The prospect of meeting with friends you haven’t seen for ages and arranging post-mass pints afterwards increases the appeal of Midnight Mass, as does the festive atmosphere created by the carol singers, which just about makes up for the extra-long sermon read out by the priest slyly taking advantage of his biggest audience of the year.
2. The opening of one present and only present only on Christmas Eve
Traditionalists will decree that no present shall be opened until Christmas morning – and rightly so in JOE’s opinion – but, no doubt to the disgust of Santa himself, a lot of Irish families have ditched that sacred tradition in favour of opening one present and one present only on Christmas Eve.
In JOE’s opinion, it most certainly takes away from the ‘magic of Christmas morning’, particularly if the recipient of said gift has been unfortunate to be treated to one gift and one gift only at Christmas.
3. Remote wars and family feuds
Watch enough ads at this time of year and you’ll soon notice that the vast majority of them are keen to create the impression of a loving family glad to be in each other’s company at Christmas, but every family has at least one member of the clan that is bound to wreak havoc in what would otherwise be a utopian family setting.
So while you might be terribly excited to welcome home a family member from Australia two days before Christmas, by Christmas day, you’ll all be made cranky by the food coma brought on by the dinner itself and a few post-dinner drinks and are bound to end up fighting bitterly over the remote and debating angrily over whether to watch Shrek, Die Hard or another one of the many festive films broadcast on the box every single Christmas.
It’s a silly debate in fairness. Die Hard wins every time.
4. Taking biscuits from the second shelf of the USA biscuit tin before all the biscuits on the first shelf have been eaten
We feel the need to say no more about this particularly sacrilegious act, except for the fact that it affects over 90 per cent of Irish homes at Christmas and it is the pink wafer biscuit that, in our experience at least, proves to be just too tempting to resist, the Christmas equivalent of Adam and Eve’s apple if you will.
5. Two turkey sandwich Christmastime
Yes, we’ve given this a specific name because it is such a tradition. The one day of the year when you want to be sitting down to your dinner at two o’clock in the afternoon, all because you’re looking forward to the obligatory turkey sandwiches later that evening when all the brilliant movies are on TV.
This requires serious preparation of course, as you need to make sure you’ve got bread, crisps, mayonnaise, tomato and lettuce in the house to be able to put together the two sandwiches: one features turkey, lettuce, tomato, mayo and stuffing, and the second is the classic turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce. Sprinkle the plate with a helping of crisps, and sit down to watch Home Alone, or your favourite Christmas-themed episode of a TV show.
We suggest It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
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