We’re very appreciative for lots of things that the US has done for us but what about what we’ve done for them?
As we all know, today is Thanksgiving which means that American people all over the world will gather for turkey, pumpkin pie and yams (whatever the hell they are).
While we have our own traditions on holidays in Ireland – pints and craic usually feature heavily – our American brethren like to give thanks for all the blessings and good fortune in their lives.
We decided to have a bit of fun and think about what the US should be grateful to Ireland for…
Letting New York play in the Connacht championship
We all know that Mayo or Galway will usually end up winning the Connacht title but unless the entire All-Stars team decide to move to the Big Apple and ‘court’ some American ladies then we really don’t expect to see the initials of NY engraved on the Nestor Cup.
Still though, an away fixture in New York is a bit more glamorous than Carrick-on-Shannon.
Building their roads
JOE’s great, great even greater grandfather, Ulysses S. JOE, was a pioneer in laying down the tar and gravel that helped pave the roads which linked the great states of the U S and A.
Nah, we’re kidding, he usually got loaded off the tar fumes and ended up selling moonshine on the sides of the roads in Mississippi.
Robbie Keane
It’s a well known fact that the Irish captain single-handedly introduced the Americans to the famous sport of soccerball; don’t let the history books/common sense fool you into thinking that it was Beckham, Pele, Cryuff or massive exposure to the sport during previous decades.
Much like Christopher Columbus, it’s always been the Tallaght man’s dream to make a fortune educate the sporting masses of the US in the wonderful sport of saw-ker.
Presidents Obama, Clinton and JFK
It seems that even the most tenuous link to Irish ancestry is a prerequisite to being allowed to run for the Oval Office although Mayor Quimby J.F.K’s lineage is more Irish than Sheamus hitting a potato with a hurl.
We have it on good authority that President Obama still goes drinking every Friday night in Moneygall; he loves a good sing song does Barack.
The Notre Dame Fighting Irish
History tells us that before the college became Irish-ified (hey, we just invented a new word), their previous college dean and football coach hailed from the neutral, quiet and serene Switzerland.
Their American Football was a laughing stock – they tended to lose every single game by ridiculously big margins – but our fighting Irish spirit soon changed that.
You can either believe our ‘loose’ interpretation of history or believe the more factual account of Fr. William Corby, who served as as chaplain of the Irish Brigade during the Battle of Gettysburg. We prefer our version.
Olivia Wilde
Her father Andrew Cockburn was raised in Ireland, which helps explain why the lovely Olivia is such a sound lady. And she is lovely.
Guinness
Because Budweiser, Miller or Coors just aren’t able to put hair on your chest or provide a person with three of their five-a-day essential servings. By the way, whoever came up with that marketing strategy is a genius. Also, we all know that Americans embrace St. Patrick’s Day as their own holiday at this stage.
The entire city of Boston
Or Baw-ston, as we should say, which is the unofficial 33rd county of Ireland and we’re not just basing this on films featuring Ben Affleck. Rampant gangland crime as seen in The Departed would never be seen in Ireland though. *Cough, cough*.
Henry Ford
American muscle cars just wouldn’t be what they are if it wasn’t for Ford’s old man, who hailed from Cork. Free mustangs for everyone from The Rebel County we say.
All of the following Irish-American people/ famous folk with extremely tenuous Irish heritage
Conan O’Brien, Bruce Springsteen, The Commitments (they created it, we stole it and gave it back) Billy the Kid, Fergie, Chris Cornell, Harrison Ford, Tom Brady, Jeff Buckley, John Ford, Derek Jeter, Kurt Cobain, and Denis Lehane.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
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