Make it stop.
The internet is a wonderful thing because it provides us with some of life’s most important things like information, music and news.
This being said, I’ll start by saying three very important words, ‘views my own’ because Paul Moore (i.e. me) has the crankiness of a 50-year old-man. Clearly I’m great craic at parties.
Even though I’m the JOE equivalent of Oscar the Grouch I’d wager that a lot of the following things also grind your gears.
Without further delay, here’s my very public rant that proves that I’ve lost my mind calm and reasoned list.
1) Motivational memes
If you want to do/feel/eat/think anything then just do it. A few lines or words of wisdom that are plastered over a picture on Facebook shouldn’t have any sway over you. Each to their own I guess.
To quote the poem Invictus “I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul… unless a meme tells me something else.”
2) Taggers
Facebook is a wonderful thing but we all have ‘that’ friend who keeps tagging themselves in, wherever they are. Harry has just checked in on the toilet. Riveting stuff.
3) Food porn peddlers
Do you know anyone that frequently posts pictures of their food, coffee, pints etc?
I believe that this video from The Simpsons is perfectly apt for them.
4) The cat invasion
I’m not one to make broad statements but all cats are soulless bastards that can’t be trusted. I’m sure that you can see my dilemma because every second post on the internet is a video, photo or meme that features a cat.
I’m firmly of the opinion that unlike dogs or monkeys, all cats are the devil.
5) Incredibly angry football fans
I understand that football will always split opinion, that’s why it’s so great, but I’d wager that you know a few people that completely lose the rag online at the slightest provocation.
Your Twitter and Facebook timeline is always worth a look whenever Liverpool and Manchester United play each other but part of me admires this blind devotion to 100% tunnel-vision.
“The ref got it wrong. He’s wrong!”
6) Ranters
People should talk about anything that’s on their mind, better out than in, but there’s a time and a place.
Having an online meltdown because you had to queue for 10 minutes at Starbucks isn’t something that most people want to read about.
7) Poor grammar
I’ve already launched a tirade against certain words that should be instantly banned from the English language and I’ll stand by that list until the day I’m dead.
This being said, there are some other phrases that people that use like ‘AMA-Z-ING” and “this is everything” that should be outlawed.
A singular item or post can’t be everything. That’s why everything is EVERYTHING.
8) Narcissistic and self-indulgent posts
If you have good news then feel free to share it, the world needs some joy, especially if you’re recently engaged, if you got a new job or are welcoming a child into your family. This being said, there are always some people that push things a little bit too far.
If you’re like me then I imagine that there have been times when you’re thinking “yeah, yeah good for you. Ya fecker.”
9) The holiday rules
I’ll admit that I’ve sent the obligatory ‘See ya later’ post when I’m sipping on my pint of Guinness at Dublin Airport but what’s the story with people that constantly post snaps every five minutes?
I mean, they’re on their holidays. Get off Facebook and have some fun.
hot dogs or legs? http://t.co/OygaHG82im
— Hot Dogs Or Legs? (@Hotdogs_or_Legs) August 30, 2013
10) Hashtag merchants
Anyone that ends a tweet with #FACT is on wafer thin ice when it comes to an unfollow. The same can be said for anyone whose tweets are mostly comprised of hashtags #NeedsMoreHashtags
Time for changes. #new #profile #picture #photography #needsMoreHashtags
— Richel Tong (@richeltong) July 2, 2015
11) Articles like this
See, I can make fun of myself. Now I’m off to post a motivational meme featuring a cat that’s eating food. Naturally, I’m going to tag all of my friends.
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