A good 115,000 of you must be completely knackered, in need of a lie down, a mug of chamomile tea and a few episodes of Rules of Engagement.
We’re a horny bunch of infidels, according to data received from the Ashley Madison security breach earlier this week, and 2.5% of the Irish population – one in forty of us – is coveting the neighbour’s wife and trying to make it home in time to put the kids to bed and catch the last ten minutes of Vincent Browne before a good, guilty night’s kip.
Ye dirty aul’ dogs.
Ours is not to judge, though. What goes on between consenting adults is well and good and if you’re man or woman enough to deal with the fallout of cheating on your spouse; have at it like rabbits, for all we care.
All we want to know is – where the hell do you get the time?
Walk down Dame Street, Shop Street or Patrick Street at 5.30 of a midweek evening and do a headcount.
According to the leaked ‘Global Infidelity Map,’ every 40th person you pass won’t have had time to make their lunch for tomorrow; they won’t have had time to hang up the dark wash that’s been soaking in the drum of the machine since yesterday; there not’s a snowflake’s chance in hell that they know how Game of Thrones finished or whether True Detective is truly as terrible, or as brilliant, as the Internet says it is.
It just takes up so much bloody time, the old cheating, which is what makes it truly staggering that over one hundred thousand Irish people are leading double lives when they could just as easily be re-watching The Sopranos for the fifth or sixth time and eating bits of broken up Penguin in a bowl of Ben and Jerry’s.
All that duplicity, you’d be wrecked.
Think of the cheat’s checklist: Where to hide the ‘burner’; the constant showering; remembering to erase that browser history; fixing alibis; constant excuses for working late; fake gym memberships; hiding places for undergarments; credit card cover-ups.
Christ. Couldn’t be up to it.
Never mind the fact that there’s only one woman for me, thank you very much, I also just enjoy Nationwide and a good sit too much to bother with all that nonsense.
If you are one of the people currently hoping not to be exposed about being exposed, drop us a line in complete confidence at editorial@JOE.ie – we’d love to tell your story completely anonymously…
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