Send a raven.
Being that we’re absolute geeks maesters on all things Game of Thrones, we’ve decided to do a weekly recap of the best moments from the most recent episode.
Last week saw Daenerys’ first major test as leader in Mereen, while Jon Snow has finally been given the chance to prove that he actually knows something after being elected Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch.
As ever, SPOILER ALERT! Here are some of our favourite moments.
Master of Quotes – Best Line
Littlefinger to Sansa: “There’s no justice in this world unless we make it. You loved your family, avenge them.”
The North Remembers – Best Scene
We did love Littlefinger’s sleazy, stirring and s**t-eating grin after he managed to sway Sansa Stark to marry Ramsay Bolton.
Only Littlefinger could convince a young lady to marry into a family that murdered her own brother, mother and friends.
That man could probably sell ice to a White Walker.
Tyrion’s romantic dilemma, torn between a fleeting thrill and the woman he loved but ultimately strangled, was a nice moment.
Only in Westeros would this be considered ‘nice’, but the moment was kind of ruined when he was abducted whilst having a pee. Not a cool move from Jorah AKA Lord Friendzone.
There’s a lot to be said also for Janos Slynt losing his cool and ultimately his head after challenging Jon’s authority on The Wall, but this week we’ve opted for Arya’s watery farewell to the girl she once was.
A girl is not Arya Stark any more. A girl is on the road to being an ass-kicking, cold-hearted and faceless assassin who refers to herself in the third-person.
A JOE likes to talk like this.
Valar Morghulis – Best Death
We know that they’re the worst house in Westeros, but we do admire the Bolton’s adherence to their traditional values.
It’s a shame that their favourite past-time is tearing the skin off people while they’re alive and making their remaining son watch on in horror but still, what’s Westeros without a little bit of harmless flaying?
As impressive as this is, it was nothing compared to Janos Slynt testing Jon’s metal on The Wall, both metaphorically and then physically.
We swear by the gods, both old and new, that a good decapitation is awesome.
Subcatergory: Body Count – 1 faceless assassin due to poisoning , 3 people flayed by House Bolton and 1 former Commander of King’s Landing by decapitation.
GoT X-Rated
Filth.
We saw some pillow-talk after a wedding was consummated and a high scepter of the faith being caught in Littlefinger’s brothel surrounded by a circle of naked women.
Standard.
Mother of Dragons – Best Beast Scene
Daenerys had the week off so we’re proposing two choices, Imagine Dragons – Radioactive or Puff the Magic Dragon.
The choice was easy, plus we have it on good authority that this tune was played at the royal wedding.
It definitely would fit Tommen’s persona.
Sticks and Stones and Swords – Best Insult
Janos Slynt to Jon Snow : “You can stick your order up your bastard arse.”
Big mistake.
You Know Nothing – The WTF Moment
Hurray, we finally had a wedding without a murder, but even that wasn’t the most surprising event.
It also wasn’t Tyrion being somewhat reluctant in a brothel.
The award for sheer WTF in Westeros goes to anyone that has a fecking clue as to what Qyburn’s experiments on The Mounatin are.
We’ve seen him use a dwarf’s head and now a dead rat to cure Senor Clegane. Frankenstein hasn’t got s**t on what’s being done in the basement at King’s Landing.
“Easy friend.”
Stealing The Throne – This Week’s Best Character
There’s a strong case to be made for Sansa because it looks like she bravely put her pride to one side in order to strengthen her family’s claim on The North.
Is she finally starting to learn how to play the Game of Thrones? Or does she just love being a human doormat? We can’t answer that one just yet.
Tyrion’s moments were all too fleeting, Margaery and Cersei’s bitchy back and forth was a joy to behold, while Podrick and Brienne are trying to become the new Arya and The Hound.
This week’s honour, however, goes to Jon Snow who stood up to Stannis’ enticing offer and passed his first test as Lord Commander with flying colours… and a flying head.
From Wicklow to Westeros – Where did Aiden Gillen’s Irish accent land?
We will go easy on him this week because it was his birthday – Gillen and The Hound share the same date – but it was genuinely hard to decipher between Jonathan Pryce’s Welsh accent and Gillen’s newly found Tom Jones-esqe brogue.
Never change Aido, never change.
Happy birthday to these 2 A-holes from the Game of Thrones world! Rory McCann and Aiden Gillen
— The Movie Mix Up (@themoviemixup) April 25, 2015
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