Ireland’s trip to Skopje this weekend brings back haunting memories of THAT infamous 3-2 defeat in 1996. There have been quite a few bad away day experiences through the years, however.
Summer Tour of South America 1982
Former Ireland manager Eoin Hand has the quite odd distinction of leading Ireland to their greatest margin of victory (8-0 v Malta in December 1983) and also their greatest margin of defeat (7-0 v Brazil in May 1982). Perhaps more humiliating than a record defeat to a Brazil side at the peak of their powers in Uberlandia, however, was the subsequent 2-1 defeat to lowly Trinidad and Tobago in Port of Spain three days later.
Incidentally, Ireland also lost 1-0 to Santiago in Chile prior to the Brazil game, meaning that their record on the mini-tour read: Played 3, Lost 3, Scored 1, Conceded 10.
This was, of course, an era when footballers’ wind-down time consisted less of video games and Twitter and more of pub-sittings and going on the lash. We can only imagine what the lads got up to on their spare time in the strange surroundings.
Liechtenstein 0-0 Ireland, July 1995
Only a year before, Ireland were turning heads worldwide with their 1-0 defeat of Italy at Giants Stadium at the World Cup.
Just over 12 months later and the boys in green couldn’t score against a side made up of part-timers playing in their first ever qualifying campaign.
Playing to a backdrop of a beautiful mountain-top and precious few supporters (main picture), Ireland failed to convert any of the 36 chances they created, with Liechtenstein ‘keeper Martin Heeb playing a blinder and earning the man of the match award.
Heeb hung around long after the game, both to reflect on the enormity of his achievement and to collect the nets and the corner flags. When he wasn’t keeping goals, he worked part time as the local groundsman.
San Marino 1-2 Ireland, February 2007
Only eight seconds separated Ireland from what would have been one the most humiliating results in the history of football in a calamitous episode of Steve Staunton’s reign as manager.
After Kevin Kilbane had put Ireland in the lead just after half time, Manuel Marani equalised for the minnows after some diabolical defending in which, it should come as no surprise to learn, Paul McShane played a central role.
On course for what would have been the first European qualifying point in their history, San Marino were foiled by a late Stephen Ireland winner with only seconds left on the clock to ensure that Ireland avoided a place in infamy.
A narrow win against the worst team in world football wasn’t enough to spare Staunton the wrath of the Irish fans however, and it was all downhill from that night until his eventual dismissal at the end of the qualifying campaign.
Summer Tour of America 2007
Ireland’s matches against Ecuador and Bolivia in New Jersey and Boston were meaningless friendlies and not disastrous in terms of results (both 1-1 draws incidentally), but the logistics of the operation were a damning indictment of the Steve Staunton regime, which mercifully came to an end later that year.
Short of numbers for the Ecuador clash, Stan employed the services of the unknown Joe Lapira, a hippy-like American with long hair, a ginger beard and an Irish mother, with the Irish boss telling the press at the time: “What Joe Lapira doesn’t know about hitting the back of the net isn’t worth knowing.”
Remember him? Joe Lapira in all his glory against Ecuador in 2007
Lapira was brought on for a few minutes against the South American side without making too much of an impact but needless to say, there were plenty at home who were not impressed that a guy who was then playing college soccer for Notre Dame was given a cap ahead of them, considering that the standard is thought to be well below that of the domestic league at home.
Where is Lapira now? Playing for the mighty United Sikkim FC in the Norwegian second division, that’s where.
Cyprus 5-2 Ireland, October 2006
The nation cursed, cringed and generally couldn’t believe the sight before their eyes on 7 October, 2006 as Cyprus knocked the stuffing out of us in Nicosia.
Steve Staunton and his squad came home utterly red-faced from the Euro 2008 qualifier and there were no hiding places.
We were outplayed and embarrassed by a side ranked 113th in the world just a few months prior to this fixture.
Eventual deserter Stephen Ireland put us ahead early on but goals from Michalis Constantinou and Alexis Garpozis had the Cypriots in the driving seat.
Richard Dunne levelled before half-time but Constantinou’s penalty restored the Cyprus lead on 50 minutes.
Two Constantinos Charalambidis goals plus Richard Dunne’s sending off completed the nightmare journey for Ireland.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ podcast – listen to the latest episode now!
