Championship is coming.
That grand stretch you’re seeing in the evenings means that two of our favourite things are nearly upon us: the return of Game of Thrones for a fifth season and the return of the GAA Football Championship.
Combining our love for GAA with our positively nerdy passion for the literary and visual versions of Game of Thrones, we’ve assigned each county with a house that would reflect their status if the GAA was transported to Westeros, where the fields are often bleaker than Pearse Park, Longford on a wet November day.
What houses will emerge from the Kingdom of Leinster at the height of the summer?
By Paul ‘Sword of The Morning’ Moore, Conor ‘The Kingslayer’ Heneghan and Paddy ‘The Onion Knight’ McKenna
The Kingdom of Leinster
Dublin – House Lannister
Book Motto: Hear Me Roar and a Lannister Always Pays His Debts
County Motto: Beart do réir ár mbriathar
Confident, loud but the biggest and most successful (in recent years) family in the realm.
Hard to love but must be respected because they rule the Leinster roost. Their motto is ‘Hear Me Roar’ which is exactly what the Hill hopes it will be doing from May until September.
Have a few debts to pay to Kerry and Donegal men this summer.
Offaly – House Arryn
Book Motto: As High as Honour
County Motto: Esto Fidelis
Formerly one of the greatest houses of the four kingdoms, once regularly bumped shoulders with the most prominent families, quite literally when Lord Seamus Darby bumped Tommy Doyle in their most famous hour in 1982.
Now, they have retreated into the wilderness and show few signs of a resurgence and don’t have a hope in hell of knocking House Lannister/Dublin off their lofty perch, even if the small council could get them to play a Championship match outside of King’s Landing.
Meath – House Targaryen
Book Motto: Fire and Blood
County Motto: Tré Neart le Chéile
With wily old Lord Boylan at the helm, the Targaryens once struck fear into the entire four kingdoms and ruled the roost for ages until the introduction of the backdoor system in Westeros around the turn of the millennium.
Now somewhat wild and certainly unpredictable, they have the element of surprise and won’t be afraid to use fire or spill blood in an assault on King’s Landing in the near future.
Kilkenny – White Walkers
Book Motto : None
County Motto: None
The White Walkers are set apart because they are not human and they live outside the realm, far beyond the wall.
Kilkenny footballers are also outside of the realm, in fact they’re unique in being the only county not to field a team in the National Football League.
Of course, if this was about hurling houses, the fearsome army of White Walkers would still apply.
Brian Cody’s men strike fear into the hearts of men all over the realm and the Cats have a single purpose in mind, total domination of the hurling realm.
Kildare – The Dothraki
Book Motto: Blood of my Blood
County Motto: Meanma agus Misneach
Horses, horses and more horses.
We could very well picture Khal Drogo winning a race at the Curragh and maybe Jason Ryan might be basing his tactics on the horselords of Westeros, counter-attacking speed coupled with devastating firepower.
We’re fairly certain that the Lilywhite players don’t have a fear of the sea or eat a horse’s heart as part of their pre-match meal.
We will look into this.
Laois – House Moore
Book Motto: None
County Motto: I bpáirt leis an bpobal
It’s only logical that the O’Moore county should be affiliated with a house of it’s own name. In the novels, the Moores swear fealty to their neighbours the Arryns (Offaly in this list) so there’s a nice synergy there.
Also, the most famous moment involving a Moore in the books came when Ser Mandon Moore tried to kill Tyrion Lannister (he’s from Dublin in our view) during the Battle of Blackwater.
We reckon a fair few Laois people might also dislike the Dublin football team due to their dominance of the realm in the last decade.
Westmeath – House Mormont
Book Motto: Here We Stand
County Motto: Triath ós Triathaibh
An old, proud, and honourable house that seems to have something of a Jekyll and Hyde syndrome about it.
House Mormont was a promising, emerging force but all that was cast aside by the treachery of the exiled Jorah Mormont, the trusted advisor to Daenerys, who was proven to be a spy.
Westmeath, a division one team in 2014, are also coming apart, now back in division 3 after consecutive relegations.
Wicklow – House Gardener
Book Motto: None
County Motto: Meanma Saor
What else would the Garden County be?
Sadly it’s an extinct house, some jokers might say that Wicklow’s chances of provincial success are similar, but there was a time when they reigned supreme.
Somehow we don’t see the footballers of Wicklow taking revenge.
Louth – House Umber
Book Motto: None
County Motto: Lugh sáimh-ioldánach
Hardy, tough and loyal to the very end, this house also lies extremely close to a northern border, The Wall.
The Wee County and this house also share an unfortunate similarity, the Umbers are still trying to forget about the Red Wedding massacre while Louth want to forget about that infamous 2010 Leinster football final.
Longford – House Payne
Book Motto: None
County Motto: Daingean agus Dílis
Podrick Payne, the most famous patron of House Payne is trustworthy and brave in the face of danger, but his problem is that no one really takes his house seriously.
With just one Leinster Senior Championship title, it’s hard to dislike Longford but they don’t keep anyone awake at night either. Okay, maybe House Arryn/Offaly, who they face in the Leinster Championship opening joust.
Carlow – The Giants
Book Motto: None
County Motto: None
We’re moving slightly outside the realms of GAA here and basing this all on the fact that Sean O’Brien is an absolute beast of a man that can lay waste to 5 people at once.
Westeros would be proud of team called the Fighting Cocks, who O’Brien togged out to play Junior B football for last summer.
Unlike the giants of Westeros, we’re unsure if all people from Carlow are ten to twelve feet in height, can rip the iron from gates or if their eyesight is awful.
Wexford – House Uller
House Motto: None
County Motto: Le croí agus lámh
Of course we had to opt for a House that’s from the sunny realm of Dorne, sure Wexford is the Irish Riviera. While Uller may not be one of the more well known houses their history is extremely interesting.
The death of Elaria is the reason why Prince Oberyn came to King’s Landing seeking revenge while this house have been described as “half of the Ullers are half-mad, and the other half are worse”.
We can neither confirm nor deny if this is true about the Wexford panel this year.
Come back tomorrow for GAAme of Thrones – Connacht edition.
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