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27th Jun 2014

JOE ranks the World Cup teams…and waves bye-bye to 16 of them

What do we watch now?

Paul Moore

What do we watch now?

Once again, JOE has decided to rank the 32 teams in Brazil now that the group stages are over. What do you think?

1) Holland (Previously 3) – Has there been a better player in this tournament so far than Arjen Robben? The flying Dutchman has scored three times already and tormented Chile in their 2-0 win. The game had the feel of two sides that were happy with their respective positions but Van Gaal’s men were ruthless even without the suspended Van Persie. And yes, that really was Leroy Fer of Norwich.

2) Costa Rica (Previously 1) – Dark days for Costa Rican football when they drew with England but we think they will bounce back. Seriously though, they have been absolutely terrific in this tournament conceding only once. The most impressive team defensively so far in Brazil. Is anyone cheering for Greece in that last 16 match?

3) Colombia (Previously 5 ) – Los Cafeteros have reached the knock-out stages for the first time since 1990 and they were clinical in their 4-1 win over Japan despite resting some key players. They are one of the very few teams in Brazil that look defensively sound and in James Rodriguez they have an absolutely incredible talent. JOE cant remember the last time a player changed a game so dramatically.

jamesrodriguez

4) France (Previously 4) – Didier Deschamps used the Ecuador game to give his fringe players some much needed minutes and probably stop any potential unrest. They didn’t look too interested against Ecuador but France have been excellent so far and Karim Benzema has continued his Real Madrid form into Brazil. Les Blues coasted through their group scoring eight times but the serious stuff starts now.

5) Argentina (Previously 6) – Garrincha in ’62, Maradona in ’86, Cannavaro in ’06….Messi in ’14?

6) Brazil (Previously 8) 2 wins, 7 points and their 39-year unbeaten streak in competitive matches at home remains intact. Yet why are there still questions over La Selecao? They aren’t always pretty to watch but Neymar has lived up to his ‘golden boy’ reputation and he seems to thrive on the intense pressure.

neymarcam

7) Belgium (Previously 7) All of Belgium’s goals have come in the last 20 minutes of matches which tells JOE that they have an incredible belief and patience in their own talent. Marc Wilmots has probably been the most impressive coach in the tournament so far and his side haven’t conceded from open play yet.

8) Germany (Previously 9) Winning, strong, qualified, dangerous, consistent. German.

9) Chile (Previously 2 )- JOE’s favourite team to watch in the tournament so far but they were uncharacteristically flat against the Dutch. Arturo Vidal sets the furious tempo of La Roja and his absence was missed. We expect their mix of high-pressing and rapid counter-attacking to seriously trouble Brazil though.

Chile v Australia: Group B - 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil

10) Mexico (Previously 10) Arguably one of the best team performances of the World Cup , considering their group and difficulty in qualifying. Very good in possession but JOE is very impressed with their fitness and there hasn’t really been a spell in any of their matches when other teams dominated them. Ochoa has been the best keeper in the tournament so far but he will need to be in top form against the Dutch.

11) Uruguay (Previously 15) – Recovered well from the opening day defeat to Costa Rica however a certain striker’s actions has jeopardised their chances and overshadowed their tournament. Has Diego Godin been the best defender, for club and country, this season?

12) Switzerland (Previously 18)- Shaqiri’s hat-trick was a thing of beauty but we don’t expect the Swiss to get past an Argentina side that look like they are finding their attacking form.

Switzerland v France - 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil

13) United States (Previously 11) It may be reinforcing a cliche but the US have relied on sheer intensity, spirit and hard work to make the last 16 and they deserve to be here. They should have seen off Portugal while Germany battered them for large parts of their match but Klinsmann’s players obviously believe in their manager’s style and are willing to put  bodies on the line.  They should be very proud.

14) Algeria (Previously 16)- A mixed bag. They frightened the bejesus out of Belgium but lost, were utterly dominant in an emphatic win against South Korea but needed an Akinfeev howler to bail them out against Russia. We cant see them offering any trouble to Germany.

15) Nigeria (Previously 13)- Stephen Keshi has said that Messi is from Jupiter but his own players have been stellar in getting out of their group. CSKA Moscow forward Musa took his goals against Argentina very well and the Super Eagles have the attacking potential to seriously trouble France.

16) Greece (Previously 26) Like watching effective paint dry. C’mon Costa Rica!

17) Portugal (Previously 22)- Too little, too late. Portugal have so much talent but little spirit. The US don’t have much talent but incredible spirit. Take your pick. What about Ronaldo’s new hair cut though?

FBL-WC-2014-MATCH30-USA-POR

18) Croatia (Previously 12) So disappointing after an impressive opening day performance against Brazil. The normally superb, Luka Modric had a poor game against Mexico which caused Croatia to shut down. No intensity or desire.

19) Italy (Previously 14) – The Suarez incident has deflected the attention away from what was a pretty awful performance by the Azzurri. Italy have won just one of their last seven World Cup games, drawing three and losing three. Pirlo and Prandelli have left as Italy look woefully short of creativity.

20) Ecuador (Previously 19) If your going down, then go down with a fight. Antonio Valencia’s sending-off gave them an uphill struggle against an in-form France. The last-minute defeat to Switzerland cost them but Enner Valencia has been superb and JOE expects the striker to be on the move.

21) Bosnia (Previous 27) We had such high hopes for Bosnia after their first game and we really wanted them to do well. Pjanić looks incredibly good on the ball and we fully expect them to be in France 2016.

Argentina v Bosnia-Herzegovina: Group F - 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil

22) Ivory Coast (Previously 17) Unfortunate to lose against Greece after a dodgy penalty call but they failed to keep a clean sheet in any of their matches. Defensive frailties cost them.

23) Spain (Previously 31)Hooray they won! Special mentions to a group of very special players who are soon to be retiring; David Villa, Xabi Alonso and Xavi. Heroes.

24) Russia (Previously 25) Still bored the arse off of us apart from Igor Akinfeev, sweet Jesus!

25) Australia (Previously 28) Looked absolutely shattered in their final game against Spain but they did score the goal of the tournament. Tim Cahill reminded the world of just what an incredible player he is so we will move them up.

martinsindicahill

26) England (Previously 23)  – What beach are they on now?

27) Japan (Previously 29) JOE’s adopted country were great passing the ball in the middle of the pitch with plenty of nice touches, movement and technique. It’s a shame that they can’t defend to save their life.

Japan v Greece: Group C - 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil

28) Ghana (Previously 21) That game against Germany was pure madness. Then the real madness started.

29) South Korea (Previously 24) Like JOEpan but their name isn’t as much fun.

30) Iran  (Previously 20) Like a jilted ex, they looked like they were still recovering from their last-minute heartbreak against Bosnia. They got hammered. Move on lads.

31) Honduras (Previously 30) They were like watching a brilliantly committed League Two team play at the World Cup. Their game against Ecuador was a sight to behold.

32) Cameroon (Previously 32) They were like Ireland at Euro 2012 but not as much craic.

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