With Conor Hogan
Wrap up:
What an absolutely infuriatingly pointless match that was, an hour and a half of my life I’ll never get back. I could have been doing something more worthwhile, like arranging my DVDs in alphabetical order, or counting the amount of jelly beens that would fit in my shoe. If I feel bad, I can only imagine what is going through Seamus Coleman and Marc Wilson’s head. Sat on the bench like idiots, hoping to be brought on for a first cap. Trapattoni made only four substitution in this friendly. The only new cap was John Walters, whose moustache was the undoubted star of the second half. Shane Long was the star of the first and at least he can come away with some credit. Norway were the better team, thought they were hardly easy on the eye.
I cannot emphasise how unhappy I am with this. Especially as I now have to walk home in the rain.
Thanks very much for joining me.
Bye
Full time
“Big rumours that Tom Hardy is going to play Hugo Strange in the next Batman movie,” says Brian from Kilkenny. Good try Brian, but even that won’t cheer me up.
Billy from Belfast will be happy, by the way. Northern Ireland have equalised through a Rory Patterson penalty.
Just as I was nodding off, a ball was played across to Erik Huseklep who puts it away from an acute angle. So not only are we not going to see Coleman or Wilson, but we are also going to lose this. What a crock of sh*t.
Goal Norway
The crowd are eerily quite. I don’t blame them. After an enjoyable start to the half, it has turned into the personification of utter boredom. There are Hungarian art films more exciting than this.
I mentioned Keith Fahey’s magnificent Movember tache earlier. I have to say, John Walters’ one is probably even better. To read JOE.ie’s Great moustaches of history article click here.
England are 2-0 down to France now. Marseille attacking midfielder Mathieu Valbuena is the scorer. It’s his ninth of the season overall.
Another Irish change as Damien Duff is coming off. Is it Coleman, is it Coleman? No, it’s not. It’s Stephen bloody Hunt. I’ve nothing against the Waterford man, but we already know what he can do.
Tackling isn’t really Aiden McGeady’s strong point. He slides in on Morten Gamst Pedersen about a week and a half late. Not malicious, just very very clumsy.
Darren O’Dea is replaced by a right back. Not Coleman mind, but Wolves’ Kevin Foley. Stephen Kelly switches to centre-back. I’m starting to think we won’t see the Everton player today.
Greg Cunnigham makes a good run forward and shoots from distance, only for his shot to be blocked. Wait a second! Full-back making a forward run! Why the hell hasn’t Seamus Coleman come on yet?
Keith Fahey plays a free-kick into the box, Walters’ shot is blocked, it comes out to Aiden McGeady who has the whole goal to aim for. The Spartak Moscow winger snatches at it, however, and the ball goes harmlessly wide. Great chance.
“You should be doing a matchtracker on the Northern Ireland match,” says Billy from Belfast. “We may be 1-0 down, Chamakh just scored, but Rory Patterson is playing some stuff.” I’ll keep a look-out, Billy.
Shane Long has another good attempt, and Pettersen does brilliantly to save it. Long has been the best player on the pitch so far. Hopefully a Premier League club will take a chance on him.
“Your 2014 team is very optimistic,” says Benny from Athlone. “Remember Paul McShane was once a promising youngster at Manchester United.” Fair enough Benny, but I’m convinced James McCarthy will be an excellent player. Clifford and Brady less so, though they undoubtedly have potential.
Erik Huseklepp had two chances in quick succession, but his two attempts were just about dealt with by Given. The second half has been much better than the first so far. McGeady has been particularly eye catching.
Aiden McGeady has been brilliant since coming on. He makes a great forward run before playing the ball across to Shane Long. The Reading man has a very decent attempt across goal, only for Norway substitute goalkeeper Espen Bugge Pettersen to get a hand to it.
Darren O’Dea plays a terrible ball back to Given, which the Manchester City man struggles to deal with. Pillock.
Game kicks off again. John Waters comes on for Kevin Doyle for his first cap. He’s 27, so he’s clearly one for the future. Aiden McGeady also comes on for Liam Lawrence. No sign of Coleman yet. Sigh.
Kevin Kilbane in the Sky Studio reckons that Stephen Kelly did handball it. Why do you think that Kevin? Was it the fact that the ball clearly came off Kelly’s arm that gave it away?
Ireland’s group rivals Russia lost at home to Belgium tonight by the way. Just thought you might like to know. I’m not sure if you can read anything into friendlies, however.
That was a tedious first half to say the least. Like so many matches under Trapattoni, Ireland started well only to drift out of it as the half progressed. Norway are a horribly direct team, as you would expect from Egil Olsen. This is the man who was criticised for his style of play at Wimbledon!
Half time
England are behind in their match against France. Future Aston Villa player, if tabloids are to believed, Karim Benzema was the goalscorer. Kevin Doyle is caught offside after getting on the end of a through-ball. Thorstein Helstad then has a good chance for Norway, but hits the ball straight at Shay Given. The 33-year-old isn’t the most prolific striker in the world. He’s scored only 15 goals in 64 games for Le Mans.
“You got the raw end of the deal when covering this match,” says Jimmy from Cashel. “How pointless are friendly internationals, especially when they won’t use it to blood youngsters.” It only exists to put more money into FAI coffers I think, though the AVIVA looks far from full. Hopefully we’ll see Coleman in the second half, but I can’t understand why Anthony Stokes wasn’t called up after all the withdrawals. Good goal by Pedersen though.
Norway win a free-kick on the edge of the area after Stephen Kelly handballed. Morten Gamst Pedersen stepped and only goes and puts it in the top corner. I’m so angry I could punch him in the chest. Sorry, I mean push him forcefully in the chest.
Goal Norway!
In other selected matches tonight, England v France is scoreless, as is Northern Ireland v Morocco. Argentina defeated Brazil 1-0.
John Arne Riise’s long throws are causing mayhem in the Irish defence. It makes me wonder why Trapattoni has never considered calling up Rory Delap.
Morten Gamst Pedersen’s cross is deflected out for a corner. Thorstein Huseklepp makes a balls of his short corner but they get another chance when Liam Lawrence boots the ball out of play. This time it is played into Peter Vaagan Moen, whose attempt is well over. Moen recently signed for QPR for €1 million from Brann.
John Arne Risse’s long throw is cleared and comes to Glenn Whelan. The Stoke man sees Knudsen off his line and has a very speculative attempt from the halfway line. It goes over the bar.
A very positive start from Ireland, though Norway have been very poor. Kevin Doyle and Liam Lawrence are causing Egil Olsen’s team all sorts of problems. The Portsmouth man plays in a free-kick that Shane Long gets his head on. The ball is cleared and comes to Fahey who has an attempt from the edge of the area. His attempt is good, but it’s wide.
Liam Lawrence plays a great ball across goal which goalkeeper Joe Knudsen manages to get a hand to. It comes to Damien Duff, who has a shot on goal from about five yards. Knudsen manages to get his leg at it and clears. Great chance and great save.
Brann’s Erik Huseklepp tries to play a ball into Blackburn’s Morten Gamst Pedersen, but it is easily cleared. There doesn’t seem to be a hell of a lot of creativity in this Norwegian team. They have yet to have a shot at goal.
Shane Long steps up and blasts the ball home for his fifth international goal. A great strike. If only he was taking the pen against Slovakia.
John O’Shea plays a great through-ball into Shane Long, who is tackled by Brede Hangeland. The tackle is mistimed. Islandic referee Kristinn Jakobsson points to the spot.
Penalty Ireland!
It has been a reasonable start to the match, even if the ball has spent more time out of play than in. Shane Long is either wearing too much mascara or he is sporting a bit of black eye.
The game kicks off, and within 15 seconds Stephen Kelly boots the ball out of play. A good sign.
Keith Fahey, who scored a cracker against Stoke last week, is in central midfield tonight. He is sporting a very admirable Movember tache.
To watch our video preview of tonights match click here, I dare you.
Hull City reserve and Ireland record cap holder Kevin Kilbane had to pull out of tonight’s match, but you just knew he’d have to be involved in some capacity. He is in the Sky Sports studio for his first cap as an analyst, the first of many we expect.
Here is the opponents starting line-up, if you want to take a look at it.
Norway: Knudsen, Hogli, Waehler, Hangeland, J, Riise, Hauger, Pedersen, Grindheim, Moen, Helstad, Huseklepp Subs: Pettersen, Demidov, B, Riise, Moldskred, Parr, Jenssen, Haestad
Chelsea’s Conor Clifford, currently on loan to Plymouth, is one of the players we picked in the 2014 team, and he looks absolutely brilliant in YouTube clips. Click here to see his long range strike to win the FA Youth Cup and here to see another fantastic goal.
We at JOE have a little bit more faith in youth than our silver haired messiah, and in speculating on who will be in our team for the 2014 World Cup (a little presumptuous, I know) we have chosen six players who will be under 24, and only two who will be over 30. Click here to see it.
The Irish squad has been absolutely decimated by injuries and withdrawals, though Trapattoni has decided to stick with as close to his regular team as possible. Many thought maybe Seamus Coleman or Marc Wilson would start, though perhaps they’ll get a run out in the second half. It is a slight disappointing that he didn’t use some of the withdrawals as an excuse to bring some more young players into the squad.
Team news:
Ireland: Given, Kelly, Cunningham, O’Dea, O’Shea, Lawrence, Fahey, Whelan, Duff, Doyle, Long.
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