We’re all heading to Glanworth on Sunday…
If you’ve ever been to a GAA club’s Annual General Meeting or the AGM as it’s better known, you’ll know what a mind-numbing experience it can be for everyone involved.
There’s obviously a lot of important matters to be discussed like the treasurer’s report, the selection of the committee and a new top table but generally it’s all pretty dull.
Glanworth GAA club in Cork will hold their AGM at the new clubhouse on Sunday and they’ve come up with a few creative ideas to keep everyone attending entertained on the night. Here’s the running order for the proceedings:
- The treasurer’s report will have gaps to allow the congregation to fill in what they believe to be the correct figures – pens and paper to be supplied – those with phones can use their calculators. The gaps will be strategically placed throughout the report from what are usually the most talked about balances including ‘Out of Pocket expenses’, ‘Foreign Coaches’ and ‘Night time Entertainment’.
- The Chairman will address the congregation with his opening speech while standing on one leg on top of the Chair and only changing leg when he reads out the words ‘Thanks’ or some variation of it. As an aside, people over the age of 18 will have to take a swig of the spirits that will be laid out at each chair. I’ve been assured that if you don’t drink that Fizzy Pop will be available for you.
- Those wishing to be the new Chairman will enter into a ‘Take me Out’ game scenario where the outgoing will go through three rounds outlining the challenges and experiences of the job he encountered. As he speaks the candidates will have the option of staying in or turning off their light if they no likey. Those candidates left at the end of the game will be have to give reasons why they are the most suitable for the job and the congregation applause-o-meter (fairly cheap piece of apparatus I’m told) will decide who the next chairman of the club will be.
- To elect the new treasurer, the outgoing will do his best Rachel Riley impression and the numbers game from Countdown will commence (two big and four small numbers) – the winner will automatically be elected the new treasurer and will also be given a custom made Glanworth GAA teapot as a token. In the event of a tie, we will add up the numbers of the individuals mobile phone numbers and the highest total will be elected. The 2nd place will be given the option of being vice treasurer.
- At this junction we will hold a short interval where Nidge from Love/Hate will make a guest appearance for no other reason that he is pretty popular at the moment and will help bring in a bigger crowd. A short Q&A will be followed by tea and scones.
- The toughest job in the world already for the new top table is already upon them. So to avoid a scenario where nobody is interested in taking a team that has never won a match since they were in the u-12 (C) North Cork league final back in 2001, a Rock Paper Scissors Marathon will take place. The final four will be given the honor of leading the lads in 2015 with the best wishes from the club.
- Membership officers will be decided by who has the highest amount of Facebook Followers while their assistant will be selected from the individual with the highest score on Snapchat and the most retweets on Twitter. An intriguing measure looked at getting more young people involved in the club.
- Sandwich and tea officers will be not be announced today due to the high amount of entrants that sent in corner cut sandwiches to the competition. A separate night to be held in conjunction with the players fund to decide on who makes Glanworth best corner cut sandwich, the closing date for entrants has been extended.
- The PRO will have to prove their credentials in a five-minute ‘Write a Short Story’ competition which will be judged by the local parish priest.
- The theme will be ‘Football or Hurling – what type of club are you? Any such debate on this topic throughout the meeting in any matter or mean will mean a life long ban from Club activities.
- The meeting will end with everyone shaking hands like what happens at mass. This only happens after we sing ‘Shoulder to Shoulder’ followed by the national anthem as a group. People will leave drunk and happy and looking forward to 2015 where BIG things are expected.
Now we know the organisers are being a little bit optimistic, especially with the promise of an appearance from Nidge, but we love their vision and creativity. If they can pull of even 50% of what they’ve planned, it will go down as the greatest GAA AGM in the history of GAA AGMs.
You can give any ideas you think might add to the AGM by commentating on Glanworth’s Facebook page. We want a full report on proceedings in our inbox (editorial@joe.ie) at 9am on Monday morning.
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