The (semi) naked truth from the Cuala dressing room.
It’s been a momentous year in the life of Cuala GAA Club.
Last month, they claimed their first Dublin senior hurling title since 1994 and this Sunday, they’ll take on Kilkenny champions Clara in Parnell Park, having comfortably accounted for Offaly’s Coolderry last weekend.
An amalgamation of two clubs, Dalkey Mitchels and Cuala Casements, the south Dublin outfit also raised eyebrows with a novel fundraising campaign earlier this year, using topless photos and attractive models in an effort to raise cash to help with the running of the team.
Shane Stapleton (not pictured above), a blow-in from Borrisoleigh in Tipperary and a member of the Cuala squad for the last five years, let us in on all the secrets of the Cuala dressing room ahead of the big one on Sunday.
Spotlight on Cuala
Club name: Cuala
Club colours: Red and white
Year established: 1974 when Cuala Casements amalgamated with Dalkey Mitchels.
Proudest moment in the club’s history? First Dublin senior hurling title in 1989. Des Cahill’s natural tan.
Most loyal/fanatical supporter? John Hennessy. Meticulous with jerseys, bibs, orange slices and gossip.
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Best nickname: Breezer. No idea why he’s called that. For the junior county final he was in the official programme as ‘Breezer Fitzgerald’ because none of the management could remember that his name is Brian.
Also, Frankel (Mark Schutte) and Darragh O’Connell (Counties).
Most likely player to break a beer ban? Goalkeeper Sean Brennan, but I think we’ve finally gotten through to him this year!
Dodgiest championship haircut: I’ll take this bullet; it was my own barnet for the Faughs game. I’d seen Southpaw in the cinema and admired Jake Gyllenhaal’s short on top but even shorter on the sides effort. I took a screenshot into the barber and, hey presto, I ended up looking like a pie-ball for a month.
Most likely player to be found on Tinder? John Sheanon, who insisted I upload a panel photo of the team at White Rock Beach on Facebook so he could display his pretty decent abs to prospective suitors on Tinder.
Who’s the last guy off the pitch at training? We usually rent Bray Emmetts’ facilities so we all have to leave the field together once the session is done. Boring answer, I know.
The team-mate you’d least like to take a hefty shoulder from: Davy Cunningham, a bear of a man who has won All-Ireland rowing titles.
The team-mate the opposition would most like to give a hefty shoulder to: Sean ‘Air’ Moran, but it’s rarely done to our wing-back because of those silky sidesteps. His nickname relates to his Michael Jordan-esque abilities in the skies.
Oldest player to ever have played for the club: Not entirely sure, but Bobby Browne came on in the county final aged 37, having made his championship debut in 1997. It would be remiss of me not to mention that Bobby was scrum-half alongside a certain number 10 called Brian O’Driscoll at Blackrock in schools rugby.
Player with the longest distance to travel to training: Manager Mattie Kenny (below) lives in Galway so the rest of us won’t pipe up over spinning out from town.
Last guy you’d want to take a penalty in the last minute of a county final: Colum ‘Specs’ Sheanon. Hasn’t hands to wipe his bum bum.
Player you’re most likely to mute in the club WhatsApp group: I’ve canvassed for Eddie Gough’s expulsion on many occasions. He’s the father of captain, Oisin, and does a fine line in crap jokes.
Best ‘Junior B story’ involving your club: It could be Gareth McDermott defending and after the opposition hit the ball wide, he turns to his team-mates and lets out a war cry of ‘RESILIENCEEEEEE!!!’ in ‘300’-like fashion.
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