Let us never speak of the horrors of football-less Friday again.
JOE feels conflicted.
On the one hand, we’re getting into the real meat and gravy of the best World Cup in living memory. The knockout stages start at 5pm today with Brazil v Chile and then we have Colombia v Uruguay tonight for dessert (we’ll stop with the food metaphors now).
It’s sudden death in the best way possible, the realm of extra-time and penalties, there will be shocks and there will be golden football and there will be lots and lots of leaky faces.
But JOE feels conflicted, because there will actually be a lot less actual football on our telly screens. We won’t forget the horrors of football-less Friday for a while and know that we’re looking at more of the same next Wednesday and Thursday.
Then it starts again. Then it stops again. Then it…
But enough of that – tonight we have Neymar’s dancing feet against Gary Medel’s hips of justice. We have Fred’s fading impression of a professional footballer and Chilean verve in the form of Sanchez, Vargas, Vidal. There will be some sexy football, and Brazil’s passage is anything but safe.
Colombia v Uruguay, without a certain amount of bite
See what we did there? Because of yer man getting sent home for sticking his teeth into the big lad from Trevor Welch’s Djooventus? We’re here all week.
Uruguay boss Oscar Tabarez has quit two FIFA panels in protest at the end of his side’s World Cup chances, with Luis Suarez tucked up in bed in Montevideo and Edinson Cavani looking like a complete spoofer for much of the tournament so far.
JOE is not afraid to editorialise and say we hope, hope, hope that Colombia get through to the quarter-finals as they have been the best team in the World Cup so far, led by the incomparable James ‘Ham-ez’ Rodriguez and swishing goals in for fun. We love them, we want to marry them, or at the very least have some very swarthy babies (sick! go home! – Ed.)
Uruguay, by comparison, look a bit toothless (I said go home! – Ed.) without the bitey one so their victory tonight is probably inevitable.
Feck sakes.
Opta tell us who the best players of the World Cup are after the group stages
An interesting one from the BBC, who publish Opta’s team of the tournament so far. This is all down to just the stats, ma’am, but regardless we’re absolutely shocked* not to see Phil Jagielka’s name front and centre.
It’s actually fairly predictable stuff, save for some surprise names like Belgium 106-year-old centre-back Daniel van Buyten and the magnificent Vincent Enyeama.
It turns out he’s not shit after all.
Otherwise you have your Robbens, your Rodriguezs, your Benzemas and your (cough, splutter, what’s that between our teeth?) Chiellinis.
Marvellous stuff.
Opta’s team of the World Cup so far: Enyeama; Chiellini, Van Buyten, Medel, Alves; Rodriguez, Robben, Cuadrado; Messi, Neymar, Benzema.
*Not one bit shocked.
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