A week to go until the Transfer Window closes, forever, until January, and JOE picks at the carcass of what rumours remain.
By Conor Hogan
This day next week, the transfer window will be shut. We won’t be able to pry it open with a crowbar or use some special key. It will be locked up, fastened, sealed and closed – and it will remain that way until January. The main question now is – what are we going to do with our lives in the meantime?
Every morning, when we wake up, we’ll not be greeted with the news that Robinho has turned down Fenerbache, or that Michael Mancienne is set to sign for Wolves for £3million, or that Barnet’s Danny Hart is signing for Thurrock on loan for a second time – but with the news that nothing at all is happening anywhere.
Nothing of consequence anyway. Sure we’ll hear things like ‘Ash Cloud costs Aer Lingus €10million’, ‘John McCain wins Arizona Republican primary,’ but it just won’t be the same without ‘West Ham target free agent Timo Hildebrand,’ ‘Lazio to sign Roque Santa Cruz for £8million,’ and ‘Rory Fallon to leave Plymouth for Rotherham.’
Leisure pursuits
Maybe we could take up a hobby. Like maybe watching football itself, or crochet – which is very different from knitting. Crochet uses only one hook, and works upon one stitch at a time. Knitting, on the other hand, uses two or more straight needles and requires specialised needles to fashion rounds.
Or maybe we could take up the banjo, like £5million rated ex-Arsenal player and Schalke04 target Julio Baptisa, or Panathinaikos’ Gilberto Silva, who was linked to Liverpool early in the transfer window but now looks like he is staying with the Greek club.
Maybe we could take up walking. Like Javier Mascherano – a man who enjoys taking long walks on the streets of Liverpool while his club takes part in football matches. Barcelona, who enjoy collecting footballers they have no need for, are so desperate for Mascherano’s ability to pass the ball backwards that they may use Alexander Hleb and Martin Caceres as bait.
Whatever hobbies we are likely to take up, we very much doubt they’ll be the same ones as lovely human being Marlon King. The renowned feminist is available for nothing since being released on a free transfer from Prison in July. Set to snap him up is Coventry’s Aidy Boothroyd. King will have to make do with a mere £10,000 a week.
Until then
Ladies man Peter Crouch was linked with a £10million move to Everton until he did something to ‘turn off’ David Moyes. Maybe he showed him a lack of tenderness or a smothering dependence, both major turn offs for the 47-year-old Scot. Chelsea are to make a ‘shock bid’ for Inter Milan’s Nicolas Burdisso. If that wasn’t shocking enough, Roy Hodgson is set to make a ‘shock move’ for West Ham’s £10million rated Carlton Cole.
Considering Cole has been linked with Liverpool every day since the transfer window opened, we assume that rather than meaning ‘surprise,’ that the ‘shock’ referred to will actually be the sessions of EST Cole will be subjected to, until he learns to take a penalty correctly. Liverpool are also linked to £7million rated Marseille attacking midfielder Hatem Ben Arfa.
Avram Grant is intent on signing a defender and a striker. If he wants to kill two birds with one stone, maybe he should consider a move for Tottenham Hotspur and Republic of Ireland legend Gary Doherty. Then again, if Grant wants to kill two birds with one stone, maybe he should be reported to the RSPCA.
And Getafe’s Derek Boateng is linked with a £3million move to West Brom, as they prepare for next season’s promotion campaign.
SPL in a bucket
Celtic and Rangers target Chris Eagles is staying with Burnley after agreeing a new two-year contract with Brian Laws’ side.
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