JOE’s latest transfer window looks at the goings on at clubs such as AC Milan, Liverpool, Man City, Celtic, CSKA Sofia, and Tranmere Rovers.
By Conor Hogan
Welcome to the Transfer Window. A transfer is defined as “The conveyance or removal of something from one place to another,” a window is defined as “a period of time regarded as highly favorable for initiating or completing something.” A window can also be an “opening in the wall of a building, the side of a vehicle.”
A photo of a window
For the context of this article, the window will be the former. It refers to the period of time when football clubs are allowed to buy football players. During this period, entities called rumours emerge. Rumours are defined as “stories or statements in general circulation without confirmation or certainty as to facts.” Rumours is also a 1977 album by Fleetwood Mac.
Fulham job
Sven Goran Eriksson has stated that he wishes to make a return to the Premier League. In other news, I wish to win the lottery and build a house on the moon. For some unknowable reason, the amorous Swede is favourite for the Fulham job, while Dave Jones and Ottmar Hitzfeld are also linked.
Norn Iron international Keith Gillespie is currently on trial with Eriksson’s old club Notts County after completing a season with Irish League giants Glentoran.
Man City are set to offer Aston Villa a take or leave it £24m for James Milner this week. This will be followed by a take and leave it offer of £27m, before an eventual take it or leave it offer of over £30m.
A wheely good World Cup has proven to be a prelude to a move to the Serie A for Keisuke Honda, accord’ing to Goal.com. Honda, who has a great engine, will be given a civic reception in Milan to celebrate his move to AC, where he will be given licence to have a free roll, as he tries to drive the club forward and other assorted puns.
Next year’s Champions League winners Tottenham Hotspur are going to sign at least one more goalkeeper, possibly Croatia Stipe Pletikosa, wings of gold. Even though he already has Carlo Cudicini and Heurelho Gomes, Arry Redknapp just can’t get enough goalkeepers.
Sami Khedira is ‘mulling’ over a move to Real Madrid, by heating and sweetening the move with spices.
English Roman Catholic martyr Ian Thomas-Moore will join Tranmere Rovers.
Manchester United are linked with a £13m Belgian midfielder Steven Defour. Sir Alex Ferguson is unlikely to spend however, as United don’t have any money he feels the squad is already strong enough.
Liverpool would like to have a loan of flat track bully Klaas-Jan Huntelaar. In return, AC Milan would like a loan of Liverpool’s new TV hat and Android phone.
And Raul is probably going to go to Schalke. They are currently managed by Felix Magath, whose name sounds curiously similiar to Felix the cat.
SPL in a bucket
Celtic have made an offer for 22-year-old Israeli Muslim Biram Kayal for a million quid.
In a story so left of field that it must be true, Celtic’s Cillian Sheridan is set to move to Bulgarian club CSKA Sofia.
Hibernian, meanwhile, after a visit to Norwich, are set to sign ’18-year-old canary’ David Stephens. The average life-expectancy for a canary is normally only ten to twelve years.
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