In Tuesday’s Transfer Window, we take a nostalgic look back at the mid 90s, a depressed ex-Villa player’s blog and wonder where the hell certain players are off to.
By Conor Hogan
Remember 1994/1995. People were flocking to see The English Patient, Johnny Mnemonic and Batman and Robin, listening to Ace of Base on their Walkmans (or is that Walkmen), wearing scrunchies in their hair, and tuning into their television every week to see if Ross and Rachel would finally get together. They were also witnessing the meteoric rise of Blackburn Rovers, who pipped Manchester United to the league title thanks to the seemingly infinite funds provided to Kenny Dalglish by Jack Walker.
A lot has changed since then. Ross and Rachel reunited in the final episode of Friends in 2004, Linn and Jenny Berggren left Ace of Base to pursue solo careers, people switched from Walkmen to Ipods, Batman was rebooted by Christopher Nolan and Gareth Bale’s cousin* Christian Bale, while Blackburn were relegated and then promoted, before drifting into Premier League mid-table obscurity following the death of their owner.
Like the scrunchie, however, which some of the journos in the JOE offices have assured me is making a comeback, Blackburn are set to rise like a phoenix from the flames, thanks to the arrival of a new sugar-daddy in the form of Indian billionaire Ahsan Al Sayed. He has promised to pump £300million into the club, as well as hand Sam Allardyce a warchest, this transfer window, worth £100million.
Ace of Base, popular in 1994
Mario Balotelli’s first action since arriving at Eastlands as a Manchester City player was to corner Irish international Greg Cunningham and rip the shirt from his back. ‘You will be mine,’ the uncapped Italian said, looking at Cunningham’s jersey. What I’m trying to say is that Mario Balotelli will be wearing the number 45 for Manchester City, after previous owner Greg Cunningham allowed him to have it.
Darius Vassell has had a depressing time in Turkish football with Ankagucu.
“Finally managed to get my Turkish Bank card….†he said in his blog in 2009.
“I went to the cash point to change my pin number etc and grab some lira for Yemeksepeti and was greeted with a Turkish wall of commands and instructions!! I completely forgot that would possibly be the case and i couldnt find a button for INGLISSE (or something like that?)
“I tapped away at the machine like a crazed hacker as the people queuing behind me watched with a sense of curious suspicion, I gave up and pressed the red button to return my card..
“People want money, people want goals, they want me to stay, but I’m missing my home. The smile on my face, disguises the case, I bury the truth deep down in my soul.”
The ex-England international who once injured himself by purposely drilling a hole in his toe, is set to be rescued by Simon Grayson of Leeds United.
Elsewhere
Craig Bellamy is set to sign for Sunderland. In other news, Craig Bellamy is set to sign for Fulham. In other news, Craig Bellamy is set to sign for Bolton Wanderers. In other news, Craig Bellamy is set to stay at Man City where he will be forced to train with the kids. No wait, Craig Bellamy is definitely joining Cardiff City on loan.
Two other men who don’t know where they’re going are Tottenham’s Jermaine Jenas and Roman Pavlyuchenko. £10million rated Jenas (seriously!) is linked to Galatasaray and Juventus (seriously!), while Pavlyuchenko is linked with a £9million move to Stuttgart and a £10million move to Marseille. Lionel Messi has urged Barcelona to wrap up the signing of Javier Mascherano, before opening him again during the holiday season.
Speaking of Xmas, Roque Santa Cruz is linked with West Ham. Demented David Moyes wants to turn Utrecht’s Flemish attacking midfielder Dries Mertens into a Toffee, Stoke’s Tony Pulis wants to capture Hugo Rodellega from Wigan for £9million, while Man City are after Benfica’s Brazilian defender David Luiz in a £30million deal.
SPL in a bucket
Two Dutchmen have been offered trials. Rangers have offered one to Etienne Esajas, while Hibs have offered one to Romano Denneboom.
Swansea are targeting Dundee United’s Francisco Sandaza.
Celtic’s John Reid, meanwhile, is considering asking Martin O’Neill to be Neil Lennon’s mentor.
*Gareth Bale may not be Christian Bale’s cousin
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