As anyone who has ever picked up a Betterware catalogue will tell you, there’s no end to the amount of bizarre nonsense one can think of, and sell onto an unsuspecting public.
Inspired by Canon’s new calculator/PC mouse hybrid, we’ve scoured the Google box to find similar dual function devices which, no matter how terrible or inspired they may sound, are all utterly ridiculous.
Whenever an inventor decides to cram two unrelated features into their product, usually there is one main feature which is the clear use for the device, and the second an optional, quite meaningless extra – typically a radio, calculator or compass. Whether they succeeded or failed, we at JOE salute the gumption that causes an entrepreneur to aggressively promote the fundamental need to produce a water cooler dog bowl or naturally, butter in handy stick-form. Here’s just a few of our favourites:
Canon X Mark I Mouse
Imagine typing 5318008 and turning it upside down? Oh, you crazy maverick
Unveiled as recently as last week, Canon’s latest X Mark I Mouse is made from recycled Canon materials and presumably the illegimate lovechild of a mouse/calculator late-night encounter. A wireless mouse in form and use, the X Mark has a calculator on top, ideal if… the calculator program on your computer isn’t working? Either way, it’s a unique idea and a great talking point for possibly the most boring conversation of all time. Sadly, one of the main drawbacks with the mouse, despite the likelihood of filling the calculator with numbers as you navigate with it, is its hefty €48.99 price tag. If you can’t ignore a useless gimmick, however, the X Mark should make a splendid stocking-filler upon release in November.
The TV Hat
Our JOE-proclaimed ‘greatest thing ever’ has already been featured on our site – so we’ll be brief. Imagine wearing a hat. Now, imagine watching TV. Here comes the tricky bit – try imagine watching TV inside your hat. You can’t, can you? Luckily, the boffins that developed the TV Hat can see into the future, creating a platypus bill of a baseball cap, which even includes handy curtains to block out sunlight and create a ‘virtual reality experience’. Or more accurately, shield you from seeing or hearing the mocking taunts of strangers in your sexy, misunderstood TV Hat.
Workstation Treadmill/PC Hybrid
Her chair was set so low she was left with no other option
One of the common complaints in working a hectic office schedule is the adverse effect such long hours can have on your physique – why ‘feel the burn’ when your head is already melted from spreadsheets all day? Thankfully, the creators of the Walking Workstation have found the solution – a workstation which features no chair and instead doubles as a treadmill. Creating a workplace invention that even North Koreans might find inhumane is impressive, and clearly Albequerque law firm Pregenzer Baysinger Wideman and Sale were sold, as they shelled out $6,000 for the device. The only drawbacks? Not being able to write, type or sit down. Hmm, we’ll stick with swinging around on our spinny chair for workplace fitness for now.
Alarm Fork
Sadly the Alarm Fork exists as a US patent and never came to fruition, though it’s helpful legacy lives on. Intended to help its users lose weight, the Alarm Fork reminds you when to stop eating, by including sensors which cue the emission of a red light, signalling for its customer to put the fork down. Basically we’re talking about the first ever weight loss device that is also a utensil, which is intended to be a handy alternative to thinking “maybe I’m full and should stop eating.”
FM Radio Pen
Hopefully the clicky button does something cool too
An idea so simple, we’re saddened we didn’t think of it. Look down for a second. Do you have a pen? And have you plugged your headphones into your monitor? Well you, sir, are pathetic – especially when an ingenious invention such as the FM Radio Pen exists. Not only will you never lose your pen again (since it’s attached to your ears), you’ll be able to impress your boss if they still can’t get over the TV Hat your workplace rival bought. Sure he’s watching television inside his hat, but you’re listening to the radio with your pen – who is more worthy of a promotion now? Actually, maybe both. Caution – using the Radio Pen while wearing your TV Hat may cause your head to explode through sheer awesomnicity.
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