Back in 1978, Piranha was the cheap knock-off that tried to cash in on the hysteria that greeted the release of Steven Spielberg’s debut, Jaws. The film was trashy and exploitative and became something of a minor cult classic where it found a natural home on VHS in the 80s.
Piranha 3D stays true to its heritage and while it isn’t trying to copy any particular film; it is as gobsmackingly, gratuitous and schlocky a horror film as you will ever see this side of a DVD bargain bin. I loved every blood soaked minute of it.
The film has no pretentions about being anything more than exploitative fun and from the very first minute it lodges its tongue firmly in its cheek as we are treated to a cameo from Richard Dreyfuss who plays a character that bears more than a passing resemblance to his character in Jaws. This time however, things don’t work out as well for him.
The rest of the plot is as follows: A sleepy lakeside town is invaded by legions of horny teens for spring break, which, unluckily for them, coincides with an earthquake that unleashes hundreds of prehistoric carnivores in to the lake. Boobs are flashed,  then eaten and that’s about it.
The cast is pretty much a list of unknowns and are gamely supported by Ving Rhames, Elisabeth Shue and a delightful Christopher Lloyd, who are all slumming it with commendably straight faces. Of all the cast, hats must go off to Jerry O’Connell, who plays obnoxious porn baron Derek Jones with just the right amount of sleaze to make you cheer when he comes face to face with the toothy terrors.
When I say that boobs are flashed, I mean every five seconds and culminating with the most juvenile use of 3D you will ever see as Kelly Brook and porn star Reilly Steele frolic about underwater for what seems like an eternity. Elsewhere, the camera ogles girls at every opportunity and the film seems intent on alienating everyone in the audience except 15-year- old boys.
When the beasties are finally let loose to do their thing for the second half of the film, all the tiresome nudity is forgiven as director Alexandre Aja gleefully executes all and sundry in as disgusting a manner as possible, with legs chopped off here and people cut in half there. Also look out for a hilariously gruesome bit of business involving some poor girls hair and a boat propeller.
It’s here where the film finally shows its hand as an out-and-out comedy and by throwing its cast into a 3D meat grinder, the whole thing emerges as something of a triumph. The piranhas themselves are never really that convincing and neither is the 3D but that is sort of the point and its low budget shortcomings enhance your enjoyment rather than take anything away from it.
When I say that I enjoyed the hell out this film, I mean it, but I’m pretty sure that it will bore and repulse as many of you as it will delight. The film is by any standards, complete rubbish but is played for laughs in such a gleeful way that is becomes the very definition of a guilty pleasure and for my money, the best prehistoric piranha Jaws rip-off you will see all year. If it isn’t, well, I’ll chew my own leg off.
Leo Stiles
