To paraphrase Homer Simpson, let’s just say he was barking up the wrong bush.
It hasn’t been a great week for injuries to the male reproductive organ; fresh from the poor Irish cyclist who was left with a seven week erection after a mountain bike crash comes the tale of a risqué American lover who snapped his penis after falling from a tree whilst in the act of having sex. As you do.
According to The Mirror, the romantic Tarzan and his Jane were on only their third date when he decided to spice things up a little by asking her to have sex with him up a tree and although she might have twigged that there was something different about this guy, she obliged nonetheless.
Things took a drastic turn for the worst, however, when the man, known only as Erik, had to move because he was getting a splinter and succeeded only in falling to the ground and snapping his penis in the process.
Although in quite obvious pain, Erik didn’t realise the extent of his injuries at first and it was his new girl Salina who spotted his penis was bleeding, telling him quite sympathetically that his “package” looked like it had “sprung a leak”. Nice.
Normally, anyone involved in such an embarrassing situation would do their best to keep it to themselves, but instead Erik and Salina told their story to the TLC programme ‘Sex Sent Me To The E.R.’, which, as you might expect, does exactly what it says on the tin.
“My hands slipped and I came tumbling down,” Erik said.
“I ended up getting skinned really good and I hit the ground.”
Salina, meanwhile, added: “He was laying on the ground and there was blood all over his leg.
“I was concerned about his penis.
“I was concerned about his well-being too but every woman wants to make sure a guy’s functionable.” Nice to see you have your priorities in check there Salina.
Much to the re-leaf of Erik, he recovered after making a trip to A and E at a nearby hospital immediately after the incident, although we’re sure hospital staff were stumped as to how he sustained the injury until Erik filled them on the details.
We imagine Erik might think twice about branching out into similar types of wild shenanigans when looking for an old-fashioned ‘root’ in the future.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ podcast – listen to the latest episode now!
