One round of fixtures to go, Manchester City as champions elect, Champions League qualifiers all sewn up, Cardiff and Fulham and (inevitably) Norwich relegated, Tottenham being Tottenham.
Barring Andy Carroll’s transformation from this generation’s Tony Cascarino into something far Messier, it’s all over bar the Soccer Saturday out-takes so it’s about time JOE put together its Alternative Premier League awards for the 2013/2014 season.
And off we go…
Set piece of the year: Iago Aspas’s glorious, pinpoint pass to find Willian in space was really something to behold. At such a crucial stage of the match/season/decade for the Reds too. Just brilliant.
http://youtu.be/I72eL51kV5Q
The Les Reed award for ‘couldn’t pick him out of a line-up,’ here today and gone tomorrow coach of the year: Rene Meulensteen, Fulham’s 31st manager of an ultimately desperate campaign.
The Kieran Gibbs award for being almost as injury prone as Kieran Gibbs: Michu and his two goals in 17 games.
The Kevin Phillips award for being really very good despite being really rather old: Tomas Rosicky, who has probably just had his best season in an Arsenal shirt.
The Fernando Torres award for being a massive letdown despite a hefty price tag: Fernando Torres.
The alternative Fernando Torres award for being a massive letdown despite a hefty price tag: Marouane Fellaini.
The Billy Connolly award for being as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit: Vincent Tan, a man who could make even the stainless Ole Gunnar Solskjaer look like a clueless mercenary and ‘plucky Cardiff’ the least mourned relegated side since Derby stank up the top flight in 2007/2008.
The Danny Graham award for being absolutely hopeless no matter how many Premier League clubs sign him up: Jozy Altidore.
The Kevin Keegan award for not being good enough at top level management and bowing out gracefully: Ian Holloway.
The ‘too easy’ fish-in-a-barrel just let the man enjoy his garden in peace award: David Moyes.
The ‘we knew this would not end well’ signing of the season: Kolo Touré.
The Djibril Cissé ‘having stupid hair will NOT distract us from how crap you are’ award: Marouane Fellaini.
The Aaron Ramsey award for coming good eventually: Next season’s Mamadou Sakho.
The ‘title… slipping… away insert obvious pun on Twitter hahahaha’ moment of the season: Steven Gerrard’s slip.
OK, time to get serious….
Manager of the season: Brendan Rodgers.
Goal of the season: Jack Wilshere v Norwich. First touch heaven.
Best goalkeeper of the season: David Marshall.
Best defender of the season: Gary Cahill. Hands down.
Best midfielder of the season: Yaya Touré. A phenomenon.
Best striker of the season: Luis Suarez.
‘Rarely gets the credit he deserves’ player of the season: Olivier Giroud.
Young player of the season: Raheem Sterling.
Overall player of the season: Luis Suarez.
Disappointment of the season: Manchester United.
Managerial appointment of the season: Gus Poyet.
Loan signing of the season: Romelu Lukaku to Everton.
Permanent signing of the season: Willian.
Worst loan signing of the season: Victor Moses.
Worst permanent signing of the season: Erik Lamela.
Dishonourable mention: Ricky van Wolfswinkel.
