Here at JOE we’re lovers, not fighters…
That being said, we love a good fight.
Here’s a list of the fictional characters we’d most like to tag-in for us during a hypothetical rumble while we run for safety.
The Bride (Kill Bill – 2003)
Clip via Autonomic
A life lesson for anyone considering wronging a professional assassin, Kill Bill tells the story of The Bride and the rollicking rollercoaster of revenge she embarks on after waking from a coma.
Not only will she have your back, she’ll have your front, your side and everything else.
Don’t believe us?
Just watch this clip above where she lays waste to 88 crazy henchmen, slicing through them like a samurai-bladed chainsaw through a posit note.
Jason Bourne (The Bourne Franchise – 2002 to present)
Clip via pumax112
Knife or pen?
If you answer is “pen”, clearly you’ve played knifey-penny before.
Either that or you’ve seen amnesiac super-spy Jason Bourne in action. The MacGyver of murder, Bourne has a talent for taking everyday items (magazines, pens, your granny’s washcloth) and transforming them into blunt instruments of death.
Jules (Pulp Fiction – 1994)
Clip via dragonimpact1
Not every situation requires an explosion of violence. Sometimes you need someone who can take stock of the situation and diffuse it without things getting bloody.
In any tense situation it’s important to keep a cool head and there’s no head cooler than the one between Samuel L. Jackson’s shoulders and Pulp Fiction’s Jules might be his coolest ever character.
He could kick your ass, but he can also talk people down off ledges, which makes him something of a leg(end) himself.
Hit-Girl (Kick-Ass – 2010)
Clip via MrFilmtastic
Hit-Girl doesn’t have Jules’ talent for diplomacy, but she does have an enthusiasm for violent murder that would make the Grim Reaper say, “steady on there a second”.
The daughter of Big Daddy (imagine Batman if he was broke and had no problem shooting people), Hit-Girl can transform from harmless child into a human murder machine in the blink of an eye.
Bryan Mills (Taken – 2008)
Clip via NOV PARTENAIRE
Bryan Mills (Liam Neeson) is the patron saint of paranoid parents everywhere.
Unlike your own folks though, he’s got a certain set of skills pertaining to kicking seven shades of shite out of evil fellas.
Tommy Riordan (Warrior – 2011)
Clip via MrChilidrew
Throughout The Warrior, Tommy (Tom Hardy) basically kicks the shit out of everyone while staying relatively quiet.
Hardy’s played his fair share of tough lads (Batman’s foe Bane, the insane Charles Bronson) but there’s a humanity to Tommy which gives him an edge.
He messes up a lad called Mad Dog, was also in the army and ripped the door off a tank. How many more reasons do you need?
Lee, Enter The Dragon
Clip via sajidmullerikandi doha qatar
Lee isn’t a happy bunny.
His sister has been killed by a bunch of scumbag drug dealers and his only chance at revenge is to enter a competition they’re all taking part in.
Unluckily for them, Lee is the best martial artist that’s ever lived and the arses of bad lads are kicked up and down the place throughout the film.
Ripley (Alien franchise – 1979 to present)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSrcMaid0mg
Clip via foxhomede
You’re a kid. You’re alone, you’re afraid, and to make things worse, an enormous alien thinks you look mighty tasty.
In that situation, hearing “get away from her you bitch” could be the six most beautiful words you’ll ever hear.
Not only will veteran alien-killer Ripley save you at the last minute, she can also sink an impossible basket without even looking.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZ-Ach2FkpQ
Clip via gisfter
And last, but not least…
Jack Reacher (Jack Reacher – 2012)
Clip via Axel Firefly
The popular creation of British author Lee Child, Jack Reacher is a former Major in the US Military Police Corps and a present full-time badass.
Now retired from the army, he travels America taking odd jobs and investigating crimes while doling out his own brand of justice. Reacher is somewhat lacking in social graces, but he’s got a keen detective’s mind and a good working knowledge of inflicting pain.
Twenty books featuring the character have been published to enormous acclaim and the second film adaption, Jack Reacher: Never Go Back is being released on 20 October.
For more of his badass credentials simply take a look at this…
Clip via UKParamountPictures
Jack Reacher: Never Go Back is in cinemas on 20 October
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