Anyway, that’s all from me.
If you’d like to stick with us for the afternoon – and I don’t know why you wouldn’t – my colleague Conor Hogan will be on hand to guide you through Chile-Switzerland. That one kicks off at 3pm, and you can keep up with it here.
It’s all over. Portugal have spanked North Korea around Cape Town today. This one could spark real life into the Portuguese, who have really quite a good team when they all play well.
However, there’s a danger that everyone will go overboard with this one. Portugal meet Brazil on Friday, when victory will give them top spot. But they might not even want that – considering that Spain may not win Group H, and could thus provide stiff opposition in the second round for Group G’s top dogs, finishing second could be the new first.
I think North Korea still have 11 men on the field but I can’t be certain, because there’s no camera showing the whole pitch. Either way, they’re falling apart because…
Goal Portugal!
It’s Coentrao with the cross, again, and this time it’s Tiago with the header low and hard past Ri. They’ve been very good, but North Korea have been abject.
Goal Portugal!
It had to come. Ronaldo ends his drought. I think he was offside, but he won’t mind, the smug git.
Paul Staunton from Mullingar has been on to us, “When Martin O’Leary said, ‘this is entertainment’ he may have meant the football, but your not doing a bad job either shane.”
Thanks, Paul.
You know that if Martin gets back in touch to say he meant the football, I’ll delete his email. So there.
Goal Portugal!
Liedson, with his first touch I think, volleys home from close-range. Terrible miskick by Ri Kwang-Chon and the Brazilian-born striker strokes it home. Easy, easy, easy, the Portuguese sing. In Portuguese. Actually, I made that bit up. I can’t hear anything but those blasted vuvuzelas.
Liedson on for Hugo Almeida. North Korea have also made all three substitutions: Kim Kum-Il, Kim Jong-Chun and Nam Song-Chol all on for the unlucky ones in this particular Group of Death.
Duda, who sounds more like a baby’s toy than a footballer, has come on for Portugal. Simao off.
Himself has another shot, but Ri gets something behind it.
“It’s only a matter of time for Ronaldo,” says Beeb commentator Simon Brotherton.
With Ronaldo, Brother Brotherton, it’s always a matter of time, no matter what you’re talking about.
It just won’t go in for Ronaldo. He cuts inside from the left wing and slams an unstoppable shot towards goal. Ri Myong-Guk hardly even sees it until it cracks the crossbar and goes up and behind to safety.
Raul Meireles is given a rest by Carlos Quieroz. He’s been exceptional today. Miguel Veloso, who I reckon is top-class-in-waiting, is on.
This Coentrao lad looks a bit special. A one-two with Ronaldo and the left back is in on goal. The angle is narrow, however, and his chip skids across the face of goal and wide.
Mick McCarthy is feeling sorry for the Koreans, in his gruff Yorkshire kind of way. “Don’t take the mickey out of them,” he says. “By all means beat them, but do it right. No flicks. Bit of humility.”
Martin O’Leary from Cork has dropped us a line at shout@joe.ie.
When I said a line, I meant a line. He wrote, “shane……this is entertainment….”
Why thank you!
**Blushes**
**Bows**
More great work from Ronaldo. He gets down the right and his low cross is perfectly into the path of Raul Meireles but the midfielder fails to find the target. If Portugal want a few more goals, they’ll get them. Not sure if that says more about Portugal or North Korea, though.
Incidentally, that run and pass was about the first thing of note that Ronaldo has done today. His goalless sequence in competitive games for Portugal stretches back more than two years to a Euro 2008 game against the Czech Republic.
Goal Portugal!
They’re looking like scoring every time they attack. Ronaldo breaks the offside trap down the left and – shock! horror! – he picks out a pass when a shot looks on. Tiago is the man on the end of it to make it 4-0. My half-time prediction has been reached in less than 15 minutes, and I doubt the goals are done with yet.
Goal Portugal!
Hugo Almeida this time. A free header six yards out and the big striker isn’t going to miss that. Coentrao on the overlap down the left and the full back’s cross is powered home by Almeida. Looks like the North Korea defence has gone missing. Maybe they’re hoping to make an early start on going AWOL.
Mick McCarthy again: “North Korea are being punished for throwing men forward.”
Another way of looking at it would be that they’re punished for being crap.
Goal Portugal!
Simao, from the pass by Raul Meireles. The Benfica winger was given the freedom of the penalty area to slot that one home after good interplay between Meireles and Hugo Almeida.
“Game over,” says Mick McCarthy, and it’s hard to disagree with him.
North Korea get a free kick, the Portuguese wall is as sturdy as one of those in a Zoe Developments apartment but keeper Eduardo saves Jong Tae-Se’s shop.
Just had a glance back at that joke again. Bit unfair on big Emile, I think. Unlike about a dozen of his team-mates, at least he’s good for something.
Back at the ranch, the North Korea goalkeeper looks like a one-armed blind juggler as he tries to deal with a Portugal shot.
We’re back on, and Portugal are back on the attack. Tiago with a shot tipped over by Ri. I’m still going with a 4-0 prediction.
Teams coming back out
Before the second half starts, we’ve time for a joke, from Quinn Employee again:
Capello walks into the shower at the England training camp & finds a big steaming turd on the tiles…
He angrily shouts, “Who’s shit on the floor?”
Heskey says, “Me boss, but I’m good in the air!”
Saw that one coming, but it still made me snicker. Any other England-related jokes, email them on to shout@joe.ie.
Half-time:
Graeme Souness and Ronnie Whelan agree that the conditions have made things difficult for everyone involved.
Ossie Ardiles said, “Scorchio, scorchio, scorchio.” Or something to that effect.
Actually, Quinn Employee, Ronaldo’s hair looks quite nice. Lots of Brylcreem and lots of rain – a winning combo.
It’s half-time here. Portugal well on top towards the end of the half. If I was pressed for a prediction at this stage, I’d say 4-0 Portugal.
An email from Quinn Employee (I think that name is made up, but can’t be certain) lands in the JOE inbox:
“Fair play Shane, impending redundancy, nothing to do all day, majority of websites disabled -Â Joe.ie is keeping me sane although my eyes are starting to sting from staring at the screen. Ronaldo’s hair must be a disgrace with all this rain.”
So now we’re keeping people’s spirits up? That wasn’t in the job description. Glad to be of help, though. Haven’t noticed Ronaldo’s hair, but will keep my eyes peeled and let you know.
Meireles gets forward again, but can’t control it. That 11/1 looks mighty attractive.
Alert for Mike in Swords: Cristiano Ronaldo comes close!
Figuratively speaking, he’s been wrapped up better than a French sub here but he had a sight at goal there. Flew just wide.
Would fancy Meireles to score again here. He hasn’t been tracked on any run into the penalty area so far, and he’s made three or four of them. If Portugal can pick him out again, he could be the man to score. He’s 11/1 to score the next goal, by the way.
Should have been 2-0.
Meireles again, offered a gift inside the area but he screws it wide. Portugal getting on top, without doing anything especially brilliant.
Actually, it was Tiago with the through-ball for Meireles. And it was a fantastic pass, up there with Robinho’s for Elano. Unfortunately for North Korea, that was also against them. Maybe they just have a phobia about picking up runners from midfield.
Goal Portugal!
Raul Meireles with it. He runs through unchecked to get onto the end of Simao’s through-ball and he slots it underneath Ri Myong-Guk. Hardly deserved but quality will out in the end.
It’s bucketing down. I mean biblical stuff. The water is gathering slightly down the left wing.
Mark in Swords has been in touch. “I’ve backed Ronaldo to be the top scorer in the tournament by virtue of the fact that he would score at least three against the North Koreans. How’s he looking?”
Not great, Mark. Not great.
Today’s a day for long shots. Lots of them. So it really should suit Ronaldo, but he’s been well bottled up so far.
Better from Portugal. Hugo Almeida steels himself for a free header but Cha just gets a flick on it to take it away from the Portuguese striker. Seconds later, Raul Meireles – who looks like “a drowned rat”, according to the uncharitable BBC commentator – fires just wide.
Another shot on goal by North Korea, this time from An Yong-Hak. Portugal may be 102 places above their opponents in the rankings but they’re in a real game here.
So close for North Korea!
Hong Yong-Jo fires across goal and keeper Eduardo bats it down into the centre of the penalty area. The ball skids off the surface and Pak Nam-Chol is unable to control his header, which goes over the bar. North Korea looking more likely here.
The rain is something else in HD, by the way. Worth the extra cash alone, I would’ve said.
“In technical parlance, it’s lashing down,” says BBC commentator Simon Brotherton. Technical, no. Accurate, yes.
Korea’s first real chance of the game. Pak Nam-Chol on the left wing picks out the run of Jong Tae-Se but he’s unable to control it inside the area and Portugal escape.
A stupid, arrogant, ridiculous bit of show-boating by … guess.
Yep, Ronaldo. A flick to an unmarked team-mate who was three yards away. In the centre-circle.
What a hero.
Actually, forget that. Portugal could pay the price. Cha Jong-Hyok gets forward and slams one just wide of the post, with Eduardo diving full length for the cameras.
There’s a lot of space in midfield for the Portuguese. Simao and Raul Meireles have both got a lot of time on the ball. North Korea will pay the price for that, you mark my words.
When I said it could be a tricky day for keepers, I meant with bouncing, skidding balls. Not routine lumps into the penalty area.
But a routine lump into the penalty causes all sorts of problems for Ri. He came off his line for a Portuguese corner but was about eight yards from getting to it, and Ricardo Carvalho heads onto the post. Lucky escape for the underdogs.
They’re well able to play, these Koreans. Great one-touch football down the right with right back Cha Jong-Hyok to the fore. This won’t be easy for Portugal. Or it might be. One or the other.
A first shot on goal, and no surprise it’s from Ronaldo. A left foot effort from 25 yards, half-blocked and gratefully grabbed by North Korea keeper Ri. Everyone’s slipping and sliding here – this could be a tricky day for keepers.
We’re under way in Cape Town.
1230:
Incidentally, the referee is Pablo Pozo of Chile. He missed an appointment earlier in the tournament because of injury. Although it was Algeria-Slovenia, so maybe he just didn’t want to be bored out of his head for 90 minutes.
1225:
Weather update from Cape Town: “It’s been raining all morning here,” says RTE commentator Gabriel Egan.
1218:
Disappointingly, the lads in the studio strike up in unison. Graeme “Souey” Souness and Ronnie Whelan reckon Portugal will get the job done. Ossie Ardiles plays to type by being more ostentatious: “A comfortable win for Portugal. 2-0, maybe 3-0.”
Jong Tae-Se caught our eye against Brazil. He certainly likes a shot, and scored two crackers in a warm-up game against Greece. Apparently he’s learnt English and Portuguese, on the off-chance that he may land a big move this summer. He currently plays for Kawasaki Frontale, which sounds like a motor-bike. Actually, it may well be a motor-bike.
Anyway, Jong is priced up at 9/2 to score any time today, a bet which forms one-third of Paddy Power’s daily tips over at his World Cup blog.
To add a line on the teams below, that’s four changes for Portugal: the injured Deco is replaced by Tiago, while Chelsea’s 17th-choice right back Paulo Ferreira, overhyped and underachieving Danny and Brazilian Liedson are all dropped. Miguel, Simao and Hugo Almeida are in.
North Korea are unchanged.
I think Portugal have a better side on the field this time, but does anyone have a sneaky fancy for the Koreans? Let me know by shouting into this letter-box.
Team news:
Portugal: Eduardo, Miguel, Bruno Alves, Ricardo Carvalho, Fabio Coentrao, Pedro Mendes, Tiago, Raul Meireles, Simao Sabrosa, Cristiano Ronaldo, Hugo Almeida.
North Korea: Ri Myong-guk, Cha Jong-hyok, Pak Nam-chol, Ri Kwang-chon, Ji Yun-nam, Hong Yong-jo, Mun In-guk, Pak Chol-jin, Ri Jun-il, An Yong-hak, Jong Tae-se.
Good morning – it is still morning, just – and welcome to JOE’s first live match-tracker of the week. Hope springs eternal, so we’re saying this is going to be a good one. Portugal took part in one of the drabbest games of the opening week, a 0-0 draw with the Ivory Coast, and they’ll expect to improve on that today.
They’ll need to, however. North Korea came into this World Cup as one of the anticipated whipping boys but Kim Jung-Il’s boys put up a much better show against Brazil than the no-singing, no-dancing, all-kicking Ivory Coast side did on Sunday night.
This one’s also a repeat of the 1966 quarter-final, when the Koreans went 3-0 up before Eusebio led a Portuguese revival, scoring four goals in a 5-3 win. Anything resembling that today and I, for one, will be happy.
