Have you ever wondered what would happen if two completely different species got down to business, and didn’t use protection? Of course you have, what man hasn’t?
At JOE we don’t judge, so we scoured the interweb for the most horrifying, baffling and downright awesome animal hybrids (or hybridimals – which isn’t a real word) in the wild.
As the tagline to Brokeback Mountain told us (erm, our hot girlfriends reminded us), “Love is a force of nature”, and sometimes animals have no choice but to ignore the laws of nature and indulge in some freaky, cross-breeding madness. We’re not talking about Chinese owners randomly dyeing their dog’s hair to look like panda’s (though we encourage this practice), here we demand the real deal – cross-breeds between animals of similar genetics, hopefully through funny business.
Here is our top five results of this sometimes adorable, sometimes abominable phenomena – and no, Manbearpig doesn’t count.
Neither does this guy – we suspect he may be photoshopped
5. Leopon (Leopard/Lion)
What do you get when you cross a lion with a monastery? A roaring friar-place! No, okay wait… please, keep reading, we promise we’ll stop. If you cross a lion with a leopard however, you get a leopon – the first of many instances in this article where people have lazily wedged each animals’ names together. The leopon is a cross between a male leopard and a lioness and as you can see below, retains a lion head but has a leopard body.
Please… let me die
Leopon have been bred in zoos in Germany, Japan and Italy, free from the understandable torment and wedgies they would endure on a daily basis in the wild. Even worse for the poor leopon, the lack of testosterone in the hybrid results in a largely overweight, sterile cat – resulting in its reputation as the tired, loveless, Susan Boyle of the animal kingdom. And just in case anyone is thinking the above picture was photoshopped, here’s some presumably CCTV footage of lion/leopard loving – go on, don’t be shy.
4. Zorse (Zebra/Horse)
As scientists have long disputed, zebra may just be horses inspired by 80s fashion trends, so bear with us on the existence of the Zorse for a minute. Despite sounding like a Flash Gordon villain, a Zorse is the unholy alliance of a zebra stallion and a horse mare. Like most hybrid animals, Zorses are sterile, which means scientists have occupied their time instead by trying to come out with as many portmanteaus as possible, with zebroids, hebra and hebroid the best they’ve came up with so far.
This guy is clearly a Hebra
According to air-tight fact-checker site Wikipedia, however, a baby Zorse was born in Cumbria, England in 2001, “after a zebra was left in a field with a Shetland pony”. The page doesn’t go into any further details, but we presume both animals had sex. So excited by another chance to name their odd beast, a young zorse is now referred to as a zetland. If you would like your own zetland, leave a pony and zebra in a field, put on a Savage Garden CD and fill JOE in with all the gritty details – for science purposes, obviously.
3. Cama (Camel/Llama)
Like you, JOE loved Llama’s. Camels on the other hand… sure camels aren’t bad – humps are a great way to store fat, plus they can see through their eyelids – it’s a magnificent animal too. Now what would happen if you were to combine two of our favourite animals into one giant super animal? Well, you would get the cama – or Ultra Llama Xtreme. And, as you can clearly see below, they’re one of the few animal hybrids that is actually cute enough to encourage it’s unlikely existence.
“I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love”
Also unlike our previous examples, this animal hybrid is not the result of copious alcohol and dubious decisions, the cama is actually the product of the perverts at the Camel Reproduction Centre in Dubai. Sadly, as you can see, cama’s do not retain lovely lady humps, meaning the lads in Dubai are genuinely trying to create Llamels next.
2. Geep (Goat/Sheep)
Yes, we had to double-check this one. Lisa, the first-ever Geep, was born in 2008 in Germany after numerous romantic encounters between a bad-boy billy-goat and a shy, precocious ewe. With the leaping back-legs of a goat and the wool of a sheep, Lisa’s hybrid was no real surprise to Hanover medical professor Karl-Heinz Waldmann, who stated “goats are known for their sex drive”, the inarguable source of the term “acting the goat”.
Ewe’ve goat to be kidding me
Like the cama, this wooly jumper (sorry) is a surprisingly cute monstrosity, meaning that unlike her goat father, she was not brutally slaughtered by owner Klaus Externbrink. Klaus admitted two goats had been killed in the weeks preceding Lisa’s birth, most likely her randy father included. Saved by her adorable looks, Lisa is now a hit on her farm and seems a rare, content hybrid – all’s wool that ends wool?
1. Liger (Lion/Tiger)
No, a liger is not just a drawing in Napoleon Dynamite’s notebook – they exist, and are incredibly large and in charge. Ligers only exist in captivity currently, which is perhaps unfair, as these guys could clearly kill any lion by just sitting on it or exploding its rival’s head through sheer amazement. The animal itself is born through the breeding of a male lion and a female tiger, with both species being members of the genus Panthera, which also created a rubbish heavy metal band in the 80s.
Fat cat
Though usually sterile, it’s not unknown for ligers to breed, with female ligers creating new, head-scratching phenomenons:
Lion + liger = li-liger
Lion + tigon = li-tigon
Tiger + liger = ti-liger
Tiger + tigon = ti-tigon
Tiger + tiger = double tiger
Either way, as the undisputed rulers of the Animal Kingdom, we’re delighted that the alliance of tiger and lion genuinely resulted in a super animal, both in theory and in size. Now all we need to do is let this majestic beast out of captivity – be honest, if you were to be mauled/hugged by any animal, you’d want it to be a Liger, right?
Honourable Mention – Cabbit (Rabbit/Cat)
It can’t be.. can it?
Bravo internet – we nearly fell for this excellent photoshop. Sadly, it is genetically impossible for a rabbit or cat to produce offspring. We firmly believe though, that scientists have mistakenly forgot one key ingredient which may yet prove them wrong – Love. In the meantime, a new breed of rabbit called a Lionhead Rabbit has been produced through the American Rabbit Breeder’s Association. With it’s huge mane and tiny body, it’ll do for now… we guess.
