Worries about rushing into marriage with a Russian bride

Our very own Claire Tully answers your pressing questions. To put a question directly to Claire, send an email to claire@joe.ie. with your first name and county. Please indicate if you wish your name to be withheld.

 

 

Hi Claire,

I’ve a problem concerning my brother and his girlfriend. I’m really worried that she’s taking him for a ride – she’s Russian and they’ve only been together for three months but already they’re planning marriage. One of her Russian friends came to visit her and they had a row (she’s always having rows with my brother) and the friend blurted out that she’s only with him to get to stay here in Ireland.

I’ve tried to be subtle, but that just doesn’t work. I’m not the only one in the family who’s concerned. Mark, Kildare

Claire says…:

Dear Mark,

They say love is blind and unfortunately it’s one of life’s lessons we all learn the hard way.

If your brother is determined to marry this girl then there isn’t much you can do to try and stop him. If you argue with him over her the chances are you will drive him right into her arms and he will feel isolated from his family and turn to her even more.

The best thing you can do is play it as though you don’t have a problem with her but encourage him to not rush into things for reasons other than your obvious concern. But make sure you don’t seem to be constantly nagging him because then he’ll stop listening.

For example, we are in a recession at the moment and weddings are fairly expensive affairs, so maybe he should not rush into it. And unless she is completely fluent in English they may find the language and cultural barrier eventually too big to overcome – as you said they are already rowing.

The other thing is that the truth has a way of eventually coming out if you can just wait long enough.

You also have to remember sometimes people do fall in love that fast. The fact that her friend said what she did may just have been to intentionally damage her reputation, much the same way as a girl who genuinely loves a rich man might still get accused of being a gold digger.

The fact is, if she really loves him and he loves her then there is not a lot you can do to stop them, because he will pick her over you.