The JOE Team – Premier League Preview

League Table

Who will win the league and why?

Nick Bradshaw (Editor): Man Utd. Why? Because that’s what they generally do. They might be in trouble if one of their forwards gets injured, given that they’ve only got EIGHT forwards to choose from. I can’t see anyone else challenging, really. I don’t feel that anyone else has made any earth-shattering purchases that’ll change the status quo this season.

Conor Heneghan (Sports Editor): My heart says Man U but my head says Chelsea. City are the only ones who have spent big, but they bought big-name players rather than players who might fit into a system at Eastlands. They won’t win it this year and with the squads pretty much the same as they were last year elsewhere, I fancy Ancelotti to make it two in a row at Stamford Bridge.

Robert Carry (Journalist): Has to be Man U. I thought they were unlucky last season. I can’t remember ever seeing a team have its entire defence wiped out like that and they were still in the hunt right to the end. That rash of injuries was the difference and without it, United should reclaim their title.

Conor Hogan (Journalist): Manchester United. They have won 11 out of 18 Premier Leagues, and none of the rest of the contenders have strengthened significantly. Apart from City, but they are hardly going to win it. It will either be Chelsea or United.

Emmet Purcell (Journalist): Chelsea, especially if they complete the triple singings of Luiz, Neymar and Ramires. The Blues had precious little faults last year, aside from the African Nations Tournament and their relatively old squad. With no tournament to distract Drogba or a returning Michael Essien (below), they’re going to be very tough to break down, plus they’ve managed to ship out a few ageing stars and hold onto Ashley Cole. I still can’t see past them this year.

The return from injury of Michael Essien is a massive boost for Chelsea

And the rest of the top six:

NB: Chelsea, Liverpool, Man City, Arsenal, Tottenham. In that order. I’d have had Villa in place of Tottenham, but after O’Neill’s departure I’ve lost my bottle. Villa normally start well then fizzle out. This season there just might be the fizzle.

C Heneghan: Man U, City, Arsenal, Liverpool, Spurs. I was very tempted to put Everton into the mix, but if they lose any of Arteta, Cahill or Jagielka to injury again, they’ll do well to finish ahead of Liverpool or Spurs. I fancy City to make the jump into third, while the Scousers can hardly be as bad as they were last year.

RC: Chelsea, Arsenal, Man City, Liverpool, Everton.

C Hogan: Chelsea, Man City, Arsenal, Liverpool, Tottenham. Not necessarily in that order, but probably. The last Champions League place should be fairly competitive. Arsenal or Man City could easily finish behind Liverpool or Spurs.

EP: I see United once again challenging Chelsea down to the wire, while I reckon Arsenal will once again slot into third position – though if the central defence and goalkeepers issues aren’t sorted out before deadline day they may struggle. I see fourth being a battle between City and Liverpool, though I reckon City will take it. I’m thinking Everton will finish sixth, and surprise a lot of people. Spurs outside the top six? I could be wrong, but I see a seventh-placed position for them.

Relegation Fodder:

NB: Blackpool’s time in the top flight will be brief. Joining them will be two teams beginning with W from Wolves, Wigan and West Brom.

C Heneghan: Blackpool are going to try and play football and they’ll probably go straight back down as a result. West Brom have struggled to stay in the Premier League for any length of time and probably won’t survive. I’ll go for Wigan as the last team to go down, especially if they lose N’Zogbia or Rodallega to a bigger club.

RC: West Brom, Blackpool and Newcastle.

C Hogan: Blackpool will finish last. It seems to be the same old story for West Brom who haven’t strengthened. The last place I’m not sure about. It could be Wigan, who were awful last year, while Birmingham and Wolves could suffer from second season syndrome. I’ll go for Wolves.

EP: Blackpool and West Brom are going back down I’m afraid, while I can’t see Wolves staying up another season.

Players:

Who will be top scorer?

NB: It won’t be Rooney this year. It could be another Red, though, in the form of new boy Javier Hernandez.

C Heneghan: Can’t see past the usual suspects of Rooney, Drogba and Torres. If I had to plump for one it would be Torres if he can stay fit.

RC: Rooney all the way.

C Hogan: Fernando Torres. He scored 18 in 21 last season and will probably play far more matches this time.

EP: Fernando Torres. Drogba had a phenomenal year last year but I think it’s rare for a striker to score that many goals back-to-back, especially considering he’s no spring chicken at 32.

Player you expect to have biggest impact:

NB: Torres. His decision to stay at Liverpool could be just the tonic they need to give them the confidence that was lacking last season.

C Heneghan: Michael Essien’s return from injury is a massive boost for Chelsea. His absence last year very nearly cost the Blues the title.

RC: Well, I’ve said United will win the title and Rooney will be the top goal scorer, so this one kind of answers itself – Rooney again.

C Hogan: Luka Modric will be essential for Tottenham. Their form started to seriously dip last year when he broke his leg.

EP: If he can stay fit, Robin Van Persie has a chance to hit over twenty goals this season. He was off to an absolute flyer last year until his injury against Italy, and it really cost Arsenal’s title hopes. I think RVP can have a massive impact in the goalscoring ranks and ultimately the trajectory of Arsenal’s season. His fitness is still a huge caveat though.

Surprise Package:

NB: Bébé at Man U. Even the Portuguese don’t know that much about him. I’m sure things have changed now, but when I last looked on YouTube there were just a few grainy clips of him. That’s probably changed by the time you read this. (It hasn’t – Ed. Below is the latest)

C Heneghan: If Arsene Wenger gives him sufficient game time, this could be the season when Jack Wilshere announces himself as a world-class talent. He is a joy to watch.

RC: You might have spotted a recurring team here, but I think Jonny Evans will be a huge player for United this season.

C Hogan: Possibly Robbie Keane or Dimitar Berbatov, two players with tons of ability who have seen their stock plummet in recent seasons since separating.

EP: Samir Nasri has been excellent in pre-season and this could be a real breakthrough season for the Frenchman. It’s difficult to tell what lit a fire under him, perhaps it was his surprise omission from the disastrous French World Cup side, but either way he looks poised to really cement his position in the Gunners side. A lot of people are talking up Wilshere, Ramsey and even Jay-Emmanuel Thomas for Arsenal, but I think Nasri will exceed a lot of people’s expectations.

Managers:

Next manager to get the chop?

NB: Chris Hughton. Or maybe Alex McLeish – Birmingham fans and owners could turn on him if the team don’t have another spectacular season. Sadly they won’t, last year was a one-off for the Brummie boys in blue.

C Heneghan: As much as I’d hate to see him go, I think Ian Holloway could struggle to deal with the pressures of the Premier League.

RC: Roberto Mancini. He’s spent a lot of money and there are already grumblings in the dressing room. If he gets off to a bad start the pressure will be huge.

C Hogan: Chris Hughton or Roberto Martinez.

EP: Roberto Martinez for Wigan. I’m sure his board hasn’t forgotten that 9-1 loss to Spurs and Wigan have a fairly tough start. The majority of managers in the league are either well-established (Fergie, Redknapp, Wenger), newly appointed (Hughes, Hodgson, Grant) and just happy to be there (Holloway, Hughton). I can’t see any boss, aside from maybe Mancini, who is going into the season with a presumably less-than-satisfied board.

Manager of the season?

NB: If Liverpool end up where I predict they will, Roy Hodgson

C Heneghan: I have a gut feeling that there’s a big season in Everton and if they can break into the top six, David Moyes will have done a massive job.

RC: David Moyes. Again, I think Everton were unlucky last season with injuries. They got a few players back towards the end and put in some great performances. I would expect them to coast past Villa and Spurs and maybe even challenge Liverpool and Man City for that last Champion’s League place. If he gets it, he should get the nod for manager of the season.

C Hogan: A bit early, but Roy Hodgson (below).

 

‘Woy’ could yet prove to be an outstanding appointment for Liverpool

EP: David Moyes. He’s held onto Everton’s increasingly impressive midfield and is looking to bolster their strike force, which has unanimously been their weakness in recent years. If Jack Rodwell and Seamus Coleman have breakthrough years then a top-four challenge is not out of the question.

Manager most likely to have a Keegan-like meltdown?

NB: Whoever ends up replacing Martin O’Neill. The Derry man left when he did for a reason. Or Ian Holloway at Blackpool: Premier League pressure and a probable lack of success could easily be too much for him.

C Heneghan: I’m sorry, but Ian Holloway again, especially considering some of his outbursts in the past. Example: “If that was a penalty, I might as well call myself Alex Mc Jock Strap and wear a kilt.” Priceless.

RC: Mick McCarthy. Bit of a wild man, that fella.

C Hogan: Steve Bruce

EP: Roberto Mancini. Too many egos in the dressing room, he seems to have isolated some of his senior players (Tevez, Bellamy) and he will be tasked with keeping Adebayor, Balotelli and possibly Robinho happy – expect him to choke out one of his expensive brats with his sky-blue scarf.

And finally…

Best Hair:

NB: Stephen Ireland. We share the same easily manageable style. Anything beyond a crew cut is unnecessary.

C Heneghan: Marouane Chamakh seems to have the Cristiano Ronaldo look off to a tee, but it’s hard to look past United’s new man, Bébé (below). The best dreadlocks since Jason Lee.

RC: Has to be Man Utd’s new signing, Bébé. If things don’t work out at Old Trafford, he can always replace the dead chap out of Milli Vannilli.

C Hogan: Pepe Reina

EP: Clint Dempsey’s crew-cut-beard combo every time.

We’ve had Fergie’s red nose and Mancini’s scarf, what will be this season’s fashion accessory?

NB: Lambswool blankets. This season a ruling will come in that will mean that managers aren’t allowed to stand up during games in case they intimidate match officials. Instead they’ll sit there snugly with a warming blanket wrapped around their legs. Ferguson’s will be tartan, of course.

C Heneghan: Fergie to produce the hip flask he is obviously hiding somewhere in the Old Trafford dugout. Nobody can have a face that red without a couple of drops of whiskey at regular intervals.

RC: Hmm. The sheen on Tony Pulis’ head. He turtle waxes that thing.

C Hogan: Orange traffic cones on your head. See Ian Holloway (below)

 

Ian Holloway makes a fashion statement

EP: Balotelli’s bizarre penchant for shaving geometric shapes in his hair.

Which English player will be the next to be caught ‘playing away’?

NB: Wayne Bridge, with an ex of John Terry. Revenge is a dish best served cold.

C Heneghan: Have they not all been caught already? I’ll go for somebody like James Milner or Gareth Barry to dispel their squeaky-clean image.

RC: I reckon John Terry will get caught again. The man is probably stalking the dressing rooms, going through teammates’ phones and nicking their wives’ numbers.

C Hogan: None of them. They are all fine role-models.

EP: Joe Hart with Shay Given’s wife – that would take their ensuing grudge to a whole new level.