Spent some time with any of these ladies?
There are no two women in the world that are alike so any generality is 100% in vain.
But that’s not going to stop me.
Every single person in the world has a ‘type’ that they’re attracted to, so here’s my best attempt at annoying and alienating every singe woman that I’ve ever or will ever meet in my life trying to define a snippet of the charm, appeal and traits that attract Irish men.
Amazing Amy
Here’s hoping that girls don’t find out the big secret. You know the one about how every single girl is better, prettier and generally out of their boyfriend’s league?
Shush. Keep it a secret.
I’m fairly certain that most guys have privately thought to themselves ‘Jesus, isn’t she great. What the hell is she doing with me though? I just ate a sandwich that was two weeks old and I bit the inside of my own mouth yesterday. Hope she doesn’t find out or else I’m goosed.’
Croker Ciara
Have you ever dated a girl that’s perfectly normal, well behaved and mannerly in most situations but absolutely loses their s**t when watching a match?
It’s like they become a completely different person once they start wearing their county colours.
Dancefloor Deirdre
At some point, every guy will date a girl that seems more interested in hitting the dancefloor on a night out than anything else.
They’re usually the life of the party and know the names of the bouncers on the door at every nightclub.
This girl also has friends wherever she goes. You could be in outer Mongolia and her friends are there.
Indie Cindy
Ever been with a lady that’s so incredibly passionate about music – or any other hobby/art from – that you’re convinced that they would happily trade you in for a vintage LP of the White Album?
(P.S – I’m very aware that no Irish girl is called Cindy, I just like stuff that rhymes)
Mysterious Michelle
No man will ever understand the mind of a woman. Any attempt to do so is like trying to explain Pythagoras’ theorem to a monkey when you’re staggering out of a bar at 3am.
This being said, there have been times when some former girlfriends of mine seem like they’re a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma, cloaked in my best hoodie.
I could date this girl for three years and still have absolutely no idea what she’s thinking. I’d imagine that she’s thinking about murdering me in my sleep and how to get away with it though.
Unknown Una
Ever look at the girl that’s sitting next you and thought to yourself ‘did she just say that we’re dating? So I’m actually her boyfriend. How the Jesus did that creep up on me? Didn’t I just meet her an hour ago? Don’t you get a note or a vote on these things?’
Us men, we’re not a clever bunch.
Foreign Fabianne
We all have a friend that seems like they have this in-built radar for finding foreign women on a night out.
I guarantee you that this guy will end up marrying a girl from the country though.
Melter Maria
I can imagine that men aren’t easy to date. Speaking from my own behaviour, I’m amazed that women even talk to me at times never mind date me.
This being said, all lads eventually date a girl that melts your head so much that it seems like they’re an actual fire-breathing dragon that spews molten hot crazy all over you.
Daddy’s darling Danielle
Grounded, sensible, cute and clever enough to know that no man will ever be as good as her own Dad.
She’s 100% right also.
Clever Caoimhe
Have you ever dated a girl that wins every argument to the point that it’s not even funny?
In my case, that’s 99% of women in the world but I’ll never stop pushing the rock up that mountain.
Facebook Fiona
I once dated a girl that spent more time communicating with me on Facebook, MSN, Snapchat, Twitter and every other conceivable social media outlet than face-to-face.
On second thoughts, I’m starting to think that we never even met each other. How the hell did that happen?
The missus
The girl that has the patience to put up, live with and stand by you through thick and thin.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ podcast – listen to the latest episode now!
