Pints?
It’s the weekend and two things are guaranteed to happen. The weather will be shite and pints are in order. If you’re outside of Dublin then you may want to check out these places that the JOE team recommended but our very sound readers also got in touch to tell us a some of their favorites.
With this in mind, we’ve decided to look at the quintessential types of bars that you’ll find in every county.
The ‘auld lad bar
The locals: It’s usually filled with the same lads that can be relied upon to be sitting in the same place, at the same time, with the same paper and having the same drinks. There’s usually a dog there and horse racing on the TV. Always a dog.
Good for: Stories, lots of stories.
The meet market
The locals: You can cut the sexual tension with a knife in these places because it seems that every single person is here for the same reason. It’s like the people in this pub are all bouncing off each other like pinballs because they’re hornier than rabbits in heat.
Good for: The ride/shift or anything else that you can get.
Stop-off bar
The locals: Young people and students that are happy to mix with those sauce warriors who have been on the lash since the early afternoon. The atmosphere is usually upbeat because everyone is at the happy point. You know the one, on the way to being buzzed but not drunkenly obnoxious.
Good for: A quiet corner that’s hidden away from preying eyes so you can down your naggin without getting caught.
The creaking door
The locals: They all seem like a skeptical bunch here because as soon as you open the front door, every single head in the place turns towards you and in an attempt to ‘suss you out’.
Good for: One drink. Nobody stays any longer than that. Ever!
Your club bar
The locals: GAA/rugby fans that simply refuse to go anywhere else because they want a decent pint while also being able to watch the up-and-coming forward who’s going to be the next county star.
Good for: Endless conversations with randomers about who the best GAA player of all-time was and why your generation will NEVER be as good as the crop of ’79.
The Hipster joint
The locals: Bearded, skinny jeans, craft beer, sailor tattoos and yes, Wi-Fi is available.
Good for: Music that’s so revolutionary that it hasn’t actually been released yet. What you’re listening to is just white noise and static. It’s so in right now.
Haberdashery
The locals: Everyone in the village will pass through here at some point of the day because it has somehow managed to become the local pub/shop/post-office/DIY store and hospital.
Good for: Everything. Where else can you buy a pint of Guinness, measuring tape and a tin of biscuits at the same time?
The room
The locals: It’s so small that only the bartender and two other customers are allowed in at one time. Loud farting in this place is usually pretty awkward.
Good for: Simplicity. This pub only has one beer tap so things are made that little bit easier.
Murphy’s Irish bar
The locals: Irish people that are holidaying abroad but they’re absolutely petrified of talking or drinking with anyone else that doesn’t have the Irish brogue. You know who you are.
Good for: Watching GAA abroad if you can’t track down a place that’s showing the match. Irish bars can also a nice change of pace if you just fancy some chat with people that are on the same wavelength.
Pablo Esco(bar)
The locals: People who are utterly confused as to why a Colombian themed bar has opened up in Cavan. Of course you’ll still pop in for a few because every town in Ireland needs an absolutely random bar like this.
Good for: Variety. You have no idea what you’re ordering but you’ll still shovel it down ya.
The local
The locals: You and everyone else that you’ve known since the age of 4.
Good for: Your health. I can’t put it any better than that.
The trad bar
The locals: A nice mix of people that genuinely love Irish music with polite foreigners that are very curious about trad but have no idea what to expect. They usually just smile, nod and say that everything is great.
Good for: Diddly-I and seeing the one man who refuses to leave at closing time because he’s happy to sing away in the corner for hours on end.
Shanty shibeen
The locals: Hopefully not the Gardai because this knock-up shop is so wildly illegal. The owner is probably the most nervous and twitchy man in Ireland.
Good for: Poitín that was made in Mick’s bathtub.
The late bar
The locals: Really cool people because they’ve all had a few drinks but they’re so sound that they’re probably invited for a lock-in.
Good for: One last pint.
LISTEN: You Must Be Jokin’ podcast – listen to the latest episode now!
