Who needs a real Oscar anyway?
The 87th annual Academy Awards take place this weekend as all of those lucky divils who are nominated gather in a big room to hear a few names read out from a fancy envelope.
There’s copper medals given to the winners also.
JOE’s choosing to ignore all the glitz, glamour and prestige that’s attached to an Oscar win because we’re far more interested in coming up with new categories to talk about those films and actors who were somehow overlooked this year.
With this in mind, we’ve created our own awards. Have a read and see if you agree.
Best film that was shamelessly overlooked by the actual Academy
Everything is awesome in The Lego Movie because it’s a brilliant film. Note how we didn’t use the term “animated film” because the Chris Pratt, Will Ferrell and Elizabeth Banks-voiced feature is good enough to have been included in the Best Feature category, not just the animated one.
How it wasn’t nominated at all is a travesty because The Lego Movie was easily one of the highest-rated films of the year with critics; 96% on Rotten Tomatoes and 83% on Metacritic speaks for itself.
Funny, intelligent, sweet, satirical and visually stunning, we’re confident that time will prove that The Lego Movie is a masterpiece.
The Academy must be waiting for the Meccano film instead, it’s the only logical explanation.
Best performance that was somehow ignored
We’re massive fans of Wes Anderson here in JOE Towers, but one thing about the auteur’s films that slightly annoys us is that his actors rarely get talked about with as much warmth as the director’s unique visual style, quirky characters or eclectic soundtracks.
Ralph Fiennes’ performance in The Grand Budapest Hotel is arguably the best one in an Anderson film since Gene Hackman’s eccentric turn in in The Royal Tennenbaums.
Gustave is equal parts heartbreaking, funny, pretentious, madcap and somber in a perfectly measured role that’s delivered brilliantly.
Maybe the Academy are still scared of him from the Harry Potter films? He who must not be nominated isn’t cool in our view.
Best part of an average film
Godzilla battling other monsters and destroying the living bejesus out of Tokyo.
Does anyone else remember a single thing that happened in the first hour of Godzilla apart from Bryan Cranston and the sky-dive drop? Didn’t think so.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYtrSb6ltsY
Smashy, smashy, smashy.
Best soundtrack
We’re putting the Guardians of the Galaxy – Awesome Mix Tape: Volume One right up there with Pulp Fiction, Trainspotting, Forrest Gump and countless others.
It’s that good.
JOE knew that we were in good hands as soon as we heard this track.
JOE’s favourite film that no one went to see in the cinema
If ever a trailer sold a film short then it was the preview for The Guest because this film has instant cult hit written all over it.
The premise is quite simple; a soldier returns from Iraq to meet the family of his friend who died in the conflict… but not all is as it seems.
Imagine a wonderful mix of The Bourne Identity, Grosse Pointe Blank and The Terminator all rolled into one, but with a loving nod to some classic ’80s films also.
Best Irish performance
It’s been a solid year for Irish feature films but we’ve opted for Domhnall Gleeson’s scene-stealing supporting turn in Calvary.
John McDonagh’s film seemed to split opinion upon its release, but Gleeson’s chilling, calculated and cold-blooded portrayal of a serial killer that shows no signs of remorse or conscience was instantly memorable.
We really hope that Brendan Gleeson gave his son a small clip around the ear for stealing the spotlight away from him for just a few brief minutes.
The talented little pup.
Best fight
What happens when a martial arts expert takes on one girl that’s highly-skilled with hammers and a man that’s deadly with a baseball bat?
The Raid 2 didn’t quite match the original in terms of the “holy s#*t did you see that” action stakes but its still a sublime piece of cinema and one of the best films of the year.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkEEGidt9GY
Best villain
Jake Gyllenhaal in Nightcrawler was absolutely superb as his lecherous, morally-corrupt and creepy performance as a sleazy video journalist/parasite had that unique ability to get under your skin and stay in your head long after you left the cinema.
We felt like we needed a shower AND a scrub with a steel brillo pad to wash him off.
A nomination by the Screen Actors Guild and BAFTA was entirely justified, but Nightcrawler was never going to be given the love by the Academy.
They’re wrong, so wrong.
Maybe it’s too closely affiliated with the game that Frank and Charlie play in the hilarious It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia?
Best breakthrough
’71 was a film that really deserved a bigger audience because it’s one of the best films ever made about The Troubles. It’s tense, claustrophobic and supremely immersive.
There are no sides or political angles pushed here, the film is just a battle for survival as Jack O’Connell’s young British army recruit tries to stay alive and out of danger in Belfast, a city that he knows nothing about.
A limited budget didn’t stop ’71 from boasting some kinetic action sequences, strong performances and gripping tension. This was all overseen by the steady hand of director Yann Demange and we’re keeping an eager eye on what he’s going to do next.
Best single shot in a film
Interstellar was rightfully overlooked in the Best Film category at the Oscars, this JOE rather pretentiously thinks that it’s a film whose ideas and scale are bigger than the finished product, but it did have some moments of genius.
Christopher Nolan’s intelligent sci-fi will undoubtedly inspire countless other films that use the ‘wormhole’ concept, but that single shot of the spaceship floating over the horizon of Saturn’s rings, appearing as a tiny dot when measured against the stellar backdrop, will stay in our minds for a long time.
If anyone suggests a single pixel from Transformers: Age of Extinction as the real winner then they’re instantly banned from going to the cinema.
Best scene in a film
The actors and films that win Oscars usually go to those highly dramatic scenes where leading men/women bare their souls as words take life and famous movie moments are made.
We like to go against the grain here in JOE Towers so we’ve opted for the coolest sequence from a summer blockbuster that we’ve seen in a long, long, LONG time.
The ‘Quicksilver prison escape’ sequence from X-Men: Days of Future Past was so memorable that it almost had the same effect on us as the moment when we first saw ‘bullet-time’ in The Matrix.
Genius…
Groot from Guardians Of The Galaxy smashing the living shit out of a small army of henchman before smiling at the camera was a close second. Definitely the funniest sequence.
Best career comeback
We’re almost opposed to mentioning the name of JOE hero Michael Keaton in this paragraph because it doesn’t feel 100% right.
The too-cool-for-school star of Batman and Beetlejuice has never been the most prolific and frequent actor in front of a camera, but Birdman was the first film that catapulted him back into fully-fledged leading man status, as opposed to supporting turns in The Other Guys, Robocop and Need For Speed.
Keaton was absolutely fearless in Birdman and the biggest compliment that we can pay him is that we didn’t know where his character ended and Keaton began.
We feel that this clip is perfectly appropriate right now.
Best character
Spoiler alert.
Gone Girl divided opinion with movie goers, some JOEs loved it, while others felt it was one of David Fincher’s weakest films, but there’s no denying that Rosamund Pike’s performance as Amy Elliott Dunne was incredible.
The scheming, psychotic and terrifying wife is a villain for the ages.
Pike effortlessly switches from American Sweetheart to American Psycho and she was so good that we instantly started to look at our partner with suspicious eyes.
She, and they, are still lovely though.
Best piece of dialogue
“I Am Groot.”
No explanation needed.
Best Domnhall Gleeson
The gifted actor is set to take over the world and 2014 was his launching pad. We never get tired of seeing him on the big screen and, since we’ve already mentioned his icy performance in Calvary, we’re going to opt for Frank.
He’s an incredibly sound man and is always in good form, as he showed when we met him.
OK, we’ve done our 15 categories but we can’t leave without adding one final award…
Best trailer
It can only be…
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