Professional movie criticism is great and everything – Rotten Tomatoes has saved us from dropping notes on a stinker at the cinema more times than we can count – but sometimes we just don’t have the energy for complex analysis of themes, narrative techniques and cinematography.
That’s where film buff Joe Grabinski’s brilliant Amazon Movie Reviews Twitter account comes in.
Started two years ago this month, Grabinski’s page compiles the most hilariously bad reviews – good and bad – on Amazon in one long feed, and it will force you to look at your favourite movies in a whole new light.
Take Stanley Kubrick’s spine-chilling adaptation of Stephen King’s The Shining.
By all accounts the film is a timeless masterpiece, but your average Amazon Movie Reviews critic is having none of it. A one-star verdict documented on the page dismissed the horror classic because of the unlikelihood that a hotel of that size would close for the winter season, given the popularity of skiing at that time of the year.
Titanic, which famously tells the true story of the RMS Titanic sinking, was rubbished on Amazon Movie Reviews because ‘this could never happen’.
You get the picture.
Some are furious, some misguided, some glowing and quite a few miss the point so spectacularly that they simply have to be a joke. Either way it’s very entertaining.
Here are some of our favourite reviews that have appeared recently on the page. Prepare yourselves.
1. Magic Mike (2012)
Magic Mike. pic.twitter.com/M589xDpYtd
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) July 26, 2016
2. The Godfather (1972)
The Godfather. pic.twitter.com/BY3nV3Slbi
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) July 25, 2016
3. Room (2015)
Room (2015). pic.twitter.com/yniJjsnwgt
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) July 21, 2016
4. Spy Kids (2001)
Spy Kids. pic.twitter.com/sUwGqposkg
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) July 22, 2016
5. Kung Fu Panda (2008)
Surprised they managed to reel you in.
Kung Fu Panda. pic.twitter.com/nEmUSOZ1dq
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) July 19, 2016
6. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)
If only the movie press had been this easy to please.
Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. pic.twitter.com/BudgHbq32C
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) July 13, 2016
7. Dora the Explorer (2014)
This is actually a good point.
Dora the Explorer. pic.twitter.com/XK15Ygozhu
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) July 9, 2016
8. A Bug’s Life (1998)
We don’t think they could have been much clearer.
A Bug's Life. pic.twitter.com/ZGij48uRy1
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) July 7, 2016
9. Chicken Run (2000)
Bloody hell. That hit hit home didn’t it?
Chicken Run. pic.twitter.com/Kd2JkvoayO
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) July 2, 2016
10. Game of Thrones (ongoing, sadly not forever)
Game of Thrones. pic.twitter.com/sBqBzAOjmH
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) June 25, 2016
11. Pinocchio (1940)
Pinocchio (1940). pic.twitter.com/c6JCOO2b0s
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) June 13, 2016
12. Waterworld (1995)
A healthy passion to have, Greg.
Waterworld. pic.twitter.com/Lx9QwoObui
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) June 6, 2016
13. Space Jam (1996)
Not entirely incorrect, actually.
Space Jam. pic.twitter.com/KPCJdQhGHq
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) May 22, 2016
14. Zootopia (2016)
Zootopia. pic.twitter.com/U01jBQDO1P
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) May 19, 2016
15. Alien (1979)
TOO VIOLENCE.
Alien. pic.twitter.com/7ks7lqtatR
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) May 11, 2016
16. There Will Be Blood (2007)
Gotcha.
There Will Be Blood. pic.twitter.com/m41kA31qEe
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) May 9, 2016
17. Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009)
Wait until you see the rest of his work.
Fantastic Mr. Fox. pic.twitter.com/ieiMiYhAHj
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) April 23, 2016
18. Jaws (1975)
Jaws. pic.twitter.com/ucYAclqVCF
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) March 21, 2016
19. Inside Out (2015)
We’d wager that you might well be the last, too.
Inside Out. pic.twitter.com/nltlzMSwtH
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) March 18, 2016
20. Jurassic World (2015)
Agreed.
Jurassic World. pic.twitter.com/mJJnGT0UBx
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) March 6, 2016
21. The Martian (2015)
The Martian. pic.twitter.com/YfFPWI2WFV
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) January 15, 2016
22. Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)
Literally the only bits of the film that weren’t CGI’d.
Star Wars: Episode VII – The Force Awakens. pic.twitter.com/D0BYkzQZuF
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) January 27, 2016
23. E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982)
?
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial. pic.twitter.com/FGz97AoCLC
— Amazon Movie Reviews (@AmznMovieRevws) December 9, 2015
This article originally appeared on JOE.co.uk.
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