Taoiseach Enda Kenny could be conspicuous by his absence from Sunday’s Connacht final between Mayo and Roscommon. Here are five places you might find him.
As he cowers away from the shrapnel and fall-out from the closure of emergency services at Roscommon County Hospital, An Taoiseach Enda Kenny will give the Hyde a miss on Sunday.
As an unnamed Fine Gael TD told the Irish Times this week, “There’s only one way in and one way out of Hyde Park. It’s a dangerous place to be if you want to leave in a hurry. To make matters worse, the park is situated right next to the hospital, which will only inflame people more.”
But where exactly will Enda be? Here’s a few ideas.
1. Dressing up in fancy dress and running 5km in Co Laois
The Festival Francais de Portarlington 5km run takes place in, you’ve guessed it, Portarlington, Co Laois on Sunday.
Registration takes place at 9am in the Parochial Hall (which is in the Town Square beside the old Savoy), and there’s an entry fee of €5, or a tenner for the whole family.
Famous folk are known to relish lavish disguises, especially when they’re effectively in hiding, and Enda could be forgiven for dusting off that old banana costume from UCG rag-week Hallowe’en ’81 and heading along.
His competitive streak is also legendary – just ask Richard Bruton – so don’t be surprised if you happen to see Earnest Ciaran Mullooly presenting a 9 O’Clock News report about an anonymous banana winning a race in the Co Laois.
2. Putting on the shades and blending in with the crowd at Sandwich
Enda loves sport. We know that. He scored that cracker in his playing days in Islandeady, he was inspired by Leinster’s performance in the Heineken Cup final and there was Junior B hurler menace behind the smile as he showed Barack Obama how to grip a camán.
If he feels he might get a few tomatoes splatting in his direction if he takes a seat at the Hyde on Sunday, he might decide that this could be the perfect opportunity to take in Sunday at The Open.
Going into Day 3, Darren Clarke shares the lead on four under par and man of the moment Rory McIlroy lies in 19th spot with just four shots to make up, so Enda could be characteristically right on cue to offer his congratulations within seconds of another Irish success.
3. Revving it up at the Adelaide International Kells Road Races
We like to think that Enda was a bit of a tearaway back in the day. We’ve always thought there was a bit of a resemblance with Jim Morrison, if you have a really good imagination.
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| A younger Enda Kenny | An older Jim Morrison |
So we wouldn’t be surprised to see Enda getting the leg over a classic old Moto Guzzi V8 and heading along to the annual Road Races in North Meath, where the entrants include Cameron Donald and Dunlop brothers William and Michael.
World stunt rider Mattie Griffin will also be doing his thing, but if we know Enda, he’ll be there thinking he could do better. If only his over-officious minders would give him the chance.
4. In Melbourne, rehearsing for an upcoming Australian tour
The website endakenny.com.au suggests that Enda is really a Dublin-born singer-songwriter who’s been domiciled in Australia all this time. We can believe all of that, except for the Dublin bit. Enda is a man from the wesht, and there’ll never be any denying that.
The site goes on to say that Enda is regarded as one of Australia’s leading songwriters, and will be playing a series of gigs in September and October in Melbourne, Castlemaine Vic, Sydney and the brilliantly named Dwellingup. One thing’s for sure: if Mayo falter against the Rossies on Sunday, Enda will definitely be Dwellingup. Wah, wah, waaaaah.
5. Experiencing some Love, Love, Love at the Galway Arts Festival
God knows, love and humour are two things that have felt the pinch of the doom and gloom in Ireland over the last few years, so Enda could be forgiven for giving the Hyde a swerve and heading along for a matinée in a nice, dark theatre at the Galway Arts Festival.
Love, Love, Love, written by Olivier Award-winning playwright Mike Bartlett, is described by the Festival website as “a head-rush of pure comic catharsis”.
When you’ve just presided over the closure of emergency services in a hospital a few miles from your own front door, comic catharsis should be right up your street.
1. In Melbourne, rehearsing for an upcoming Australian tour
The website endakenny.com.au says suggests that Enda is really a Dublin-born singer-songwriter who’s been domiciled in Australia all this time. We can believe all of that, except for the Dublin bit. Enda is a man from the wesht, and there’ll never be any denying that.
The website goes on to say that Enda is regarded as one of Australia’s leading songwriters, will be playing a series of gigs in September and October in Melbourne, Castlemaine Vic, Sydney and the brilliantly named Dwellingup. One thing’s for sure: if Mayo falter against the Rossies on Sunday, Enda will be Dwellingup. Wah, wah, waaaaah.
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