Reports today suggest that blokes who wear skinny jeans are putting themselves at serious risk of suffering from ‘twisted testicles’. But can a pair of jeans really be that dangerous?
So are skinny jeans really that bad for my gonads?
Surprisingly enough, yes they’re quite bad for your gonads. According to medical experts the world over, more and more blokes are suffering from painful testicle complications and the main culprit seems to be skinny jeans, which have become quite the thing to have these days.
What are these painful testicle complications that you speak of?
Brace yourself. The fashion phenomenon is putting men at risk of twisted testicles, bladder weakness and even urinary tract infections. It all sounds manky and it is. You can also fall victim to having a low sperm count as well as fungal infections.
Twisted testicles? Do I want to know what that is?
Probably not, but we’ll tell you anyway. ‘Twisted testicles’ occurs because the spermatic cord is constricted by tight pants and jeans and it’s prevented from moving around freely. Basically, what happens is that your testicle twists around, which leads to testicular torsion. It sounds bad and it only gets worse.
Eventually, the blood supply to your ‘crown jewels’ is cut off, requiring immediate surgery to prevent a gangrenous testicle. If you want to know what that looks like then you can do a Google Image search – but we wouldn’t recommend it. Seriously, it’s gross.
I’ll take your word… So what are the doctors saying?
Well according to Dr Hilary Jones – the bloke from the telly – he has seen several cases of men who have had twisted testicles due to wearing jeans that are far too tight.
“My advice would be to make sure you leave plenty of room around the groin area and that your pants and trousers feel comfortable so you’re not being restricted in any way,” he said.
“Men who wear tight or ill-fitting trousers, or underwear which is restrictive around the groin area, could be damaging their health.
“Wearing tight-fitting clothing over a prolonged period of time can lead to urinary tract infections, leading to over-activity of the bladder – a type of bladder weakness – as well as a low sperm count and fungal infections.
“Please don’t put style before health.”
So should I stop wearing my skinny jeans?
Well, if you love your b*lls as much as the next guy then you might want to stop wearing them every single day of the week. It’s bad enough having the fashion police after you, but it’s even worse if they have to bring the fashion ambulance… you know, for your twisted nads.
