I’m afraid that I’ll be signing off for now folks. We’ve shared some laughs, shared some news, we’ve been scared by Nick’s tooth and we’ve witnessed dogs dressed as humans – it’s been a pleasure. I, Emmet Purcell, shall be cutting from work early, so I suggest you do the same. Have a great weekend everybody.
TV anchormen don’t actually wear pants?
Rotund Precious actress Gabourey Sidibe’s current Vogue Magazine cover is causing plenty of debate in the US. Sidibe, 27, was featured as one of four covers celebrating the ‘Most Notable Women Under 25’. No, the debate isn’t that Sidibe is actually two years older than the actual article should demand, instead Vogue are coming under fire for severely cropping the image of the overweight star, with a close-up picture used that differs wildly from the full portraits for skinny cover stars of the month’s other editions. On behalf of men everywhere – we say good work Vogue.
The tireless Conor Heneghan has just wrote up an extensive preview of Sunday’s GAA All-Ireland Senior Football Final. If you love GAA or Supermacs advertising, go here.
Mind. Blown. http://i.imgur.com/XSVIy.jpg. Warning – cannot be unseen.
Dear Leader Brian Cowen has said he will now be ‘more cautious when socialising’, after making a bleedin’ show of himself on RTE’s Morning Ireland earlier this week, apparently. Most of us on JOE actually thought he sounded pretty lucid for someone who had been skulling back pints the night before but in any case, the Taoiseach is apparently worried over the damage international reports may have caused. Let’s not hope we Irish get a reputation for being a nation of drunks after Cowen’s performance.
Bethany Storro, the Canadian woman who gained the world’s sympathy after a ‘complete stranger’ threw acid in her face, causing second degree burns, has shockingly confessed that the alleged attack was a hoax – she actually committed the act herself. Oh Bethany, you so crazy.
Semi-nude men are weighing themselves on TV right now. Oh wait, now they’re pushing their faces together and whispering to each other. This is either Sky Sports News boxing coverage or else someone has been playing around wth the JOE premium channel package.
Ben Affleck’s second directorial feature after Gone Baby Gone, The Town, is receiving rave reviews in the US. Because we love you, we’re giving away tickets to a Dublin screening next Tuesday, so give it a shot.
BREAKING NEWS – JOE editor Nick Bradshaw has just had one of his freakishly large teeth removed after a painful dentist visit. Here’s the disgusting proof:
Yes, it does look like a raptor claw.
Lots of things happened this week, and luckily enough people were around to take photos when they did. Don’t believe us? Have a look at JOE’s Week in Pictures here.
Rocking out to Cher’s – It’s In His Kiss on Today FM. Truer words have never been spoken than the lyrics to that masterpiece.
Free you say?! Oh, go on then.
Five men have been arrested in the UK after a dawn raid was launched to nab indivduals who were ‘plotting to harm’ Susan Boyle warm-up act Pope Benedict XVI. The Pope’s historic visit has already caused a firestorm of controversy, mostly from churchgoers angry that the pontiff forgot to bring his luxurous red hat for the four-day visit.
If anyone’s wondering where yesterday’s live-blogger, Conor Hogan, has disappeared to today, we’re sad to inform you that ‘Chog’ is having a well-earned day off. Reports that Conor is spending his time today chasing flocks of pigeons in Galway City are unconfirmed but painfully likely.
A Tipperary man is in court today after stealing a car that had a baby in the back-seat yesterday in Newport Village. For god’s sake, we’re sick of repeating this now – if you’re going to steal a car, always check if it has a baby inside first. Amateurs.
Just what is going on down at Goodison Park? Fresh from revealing a bright pink away shirt, Everton have today launched their latest strip, a ‘Vanilla’ third kit. Hmm…
If you thought 11:00’s post was the undisputed dog picture of the day, you were dead wrong.
Today is the 34th birthday of Austin St. John, otherwise known as the red Power Ranger. Happy birthday Austin and just so you know, all of us at JOE still think you shouldn’t been allowed stay leader of the team. hat punk Tommy had nothing on you – and actually, while we’re on the subject, how come he got to change from green to white in the first place? It’s not right, I tells ya. Here’s a clip of Austin doing what Austin does best.
This guy has clearly been studying very hard.
‘United States’ is once again the top Irish trending topic on Twitter right today – why? ‘Laura’ is still flying high as a trending topic too. If you’re reading this, Laura, then congrats from us.
JOE’s Woman of the Day today is the Spanish actress Paz Vega. She makes us feel funny.
Munster are taking on the Ospreys Saturday night in the Magners League and JOE’s Conor Heneghan has provided his handy guide for the three things to watch over the weekend. When it comes to rugby, the three things we like to watch are the home team, the opposition and the ball.
The new Gary Lightbody (Snow Patrol) side-project Tired Pony song is playing on Today FM – who knew the Northern Ireland man could change his sound this far into his illustrious career? It literally sounds like a mix of southern US crunk music and auto-tune crooning – incredible! Just kidding of course, it’s just more pompous dirge that barely befits Lightbody forming another band. Sigh.
Will, recently awoken in a staggering, pantsless daze, is beginning his second KitKat in a space of five minutes. The man isn’t human.
I’m Not There director Casey Affleck has revealed that his ‘autobiographical’ documentary of Joaquin Phoenix’s year-long descent into becoming a beardy, mumbling mess was fake the entire time, amid hugely negative reviews before its US opening.
So now that the cat’s out of the bag, what was the bloody point of the actor’s ‘performance’, and why would anyone go see the film now that such knowledge is publicly known? Let’s hope Phoenix’s bizarre antics haven’t thrown his Hollywood career away for good, as he’s a phenomenal actor when he isn’t trying to imitate the great entertainer and performance artist Andy Kaufman.
We just got sent FREE KitKats in a shiny red envelope. I’m eating one right now. You’re not.
An incredible photo. Compelling and rich.
Apparently Irish workers are the second most productive in the EU? That’s a little surprising, especially since Will hasn’t moved an inch from his office hammock in the last hour. Don’t worry, we’re currently building a giant pokey stick to rumble him from his slumber – there’s at least seven of us building a beast of a stick right now. Now, that’s productive.
Viagra spokesperson and apparent ex-footballer Pelé just dropped us an invitation to the launch of his Pelé Sports sportswear range, which is inspired by ‘Pelé’s life and the beautiful game.’ On the back of the invitation however, Pelé is clearly seen with both hands inside the boots, rather than his feet. The poor dote is clearly losing it – perhaps that’s one of the drawbacks of years of non-stop, rampant erections.
Here’s a good five-minute timewaster if you’re bored in work – the top ten nerd hoodies. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can possibly beat that dinosaur hoodie although the raptor version is a either genius or disgraceful, depending on your sanity.
Shameless self-promotion time once more. JOE’s weekend guide has landed, so whether you’re staying in or heading out, take a look.
Ray Darcy has just reported on Today FM that are now 17 different species of spider in Ireland. Fascinating eh? What’s your favourite spider? You can’t beat a good oul Daddy Long Legs if you ask us. He has poison he can’t use and sounds like a pimp.
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Everyone’s favourite JOE writer, Emmet Purcell, taking over from Will now for a bit. Didn’t Will do great? The poor thing worked himself a little too hard and is sleeping soundly while patting his belly in the office hammock. Sky Sports News are in a flurry over today’s Cricket match between England and Pakistan, which Sky Sports 1 is broadcasting from 1:30pm. Typical cricket eh, clogging up a perfectly good news channel. And haven’t England and Pakistan been playing every day for the last six weeks? Just toss a coin and pick the winner.
The Duke of Edinburgh has hit the headlines for taking time out during the Papal visit to Scotland to quiz a female Scottish politician if she was wearing tartan underwear.
JOE journo Robert Carry has compiled Prince Philip’s best gaffes.
Wayne Rooney will more than likely travel to Thailand with the England team for a friendly next June and the Star says that wife Coleen “sees red over Bangkok trip”. There’s 2.8 million sex workers in Thailand. How does the line finish again…’When in Rome?’
Green Party Leader John Gormley has backed Taoiseach Brian Cowen to lead the country forward and feels that the “prolonged controversy is a distraction” to moving on. The Greens have been holding meetings today to plan policy agendas.
If you didn’t get round to seeing the Europa League action last night JOE has a full round-up here and some Celtic transfer news.
Also, we’re looking ahead to the Premier League action this weekend, here’s five things to look out for.
BREAKING NEWS:
JOE.ie has just revealed that actor Mark Wahlberg is Irish.
Well, kind of. Read more here.
Back to the airwaves:
TodayFM – D’Arcy is on about who earns more – film producers or directors? Seems that the producer always gets paid and the director’s earnings depend on how the successful the flick is. What ever happened to Rob Cohen who directed the flop Stealth? The film cost $135 million and made $32 million. Maybe we’ll be seeing him with Montel selling blenders.
Montel Williams looks like Tupac on a blender ad on some shopping TV channel that one of the lads is addicted to here in the office. Montel used to have his own show, what’s he doing now? Selling blenders on a street corner?
On the airwaves this morning:
Newstalk – Ivan Yates has some female politicians in the studio this morning. They’re harping on about more women in Irish politics and a current macho culture. How about starting with smarter politicians in goverment full stop?
2fm – Tubridy is yapping away to a housewife about family stuff. I think a good sign of a broadcaster is when you tune in at anytime you can immediately pick up on what he/she is talking about and that it’s interesting. Tubs is severely lacking this quality.
Thinking of nipping off somewhere this weekend for a short break at last minute? Kilkenny is the priciest place in Ireland to have a staycation.
From the Kilkenny Advertiser:
‘Although room rates are dropping, Kilkenny has emerged as the most expensive city in the country to stay.
Despite experiencing the highest price falls, Kilkenny has topped the list as the most expensive destination in Ireland, knocking Killarney off its perch as the dearest.’
The opening paragraph of an Irish Independent report on Brian Cowen’s apology for his shambolic radio interview:
‘One of the Taoiseach’s cabinet colleagues yesterday described Mr Cowen’s apology over his radio interview as an “extremely manly” thing for him to do.’
Manly? We don’t aspire to this:
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The Pope is on Day Two of his visit to the UK. He’s pottering about in his shiny red shoes and getting caught up in his 42 layers of clothing but have you seen the front page of the Star this morning? Looks like he’s trying to steal a baby!
In entertainment news, Sacha Baron Cohen (aka Borat, Bruno and Ali G) is to star as legendary Freddie Mercury in a film about Queen. He has fended off Johnny Depp from getting the gig, read more on this one here.
0907:
A report from today’s Irish Examiner:
A man who verbally abused a garda has been sentenced to climb Croagh Patrick. Donegal man Joseph McElwee, 38, was outside a pub when he called an on-duty garda a “Mayo wanker†and told him to “fu*k off home to Mayoâ€.
Judge Seamus Hughes told McElwee he was to do the four stations of the famous Mayo pilgrimage as a mark of respect for his fellow Irish people, especially those in the line of duty.
By the way, the garda’s name is Nicholas Freyne, a lad who I conincidentally went to secondary school with!
0900:
Knuckle down fellas, it’s Friday and I’m sure you’ll all want to be out of the office asap. If you don’t have time to dash for the papers check out the Morning JOE, an easy way to scan the big stories. Arsenal’s Carlos Vela has been up to some naughty antics.
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