Last-minute drama aside, that was a shocking game and a very strong contender for the worst game of the tournament and that’s saying something considering some of the dross that’s taken place so far. New Zealand totally deserved a draw and limited and all as they are, they were at least the equal of Slovakia, who were absolutely shocking. Great to see the blissful reaction of the All-White players to the equaliser. Terrible game, but at least we had a bit of excitement. Full time in Rustenburg. New Zealand 1-1 Slovakia.
New Zealand 1-1 Slovakia.
Last minute drama in Rustenburg. With only seconds left on the clock, defender Winston Reid pops up to convert a cross from Shane Smeltz and salvage a draw for New Zealand, who are thoroughly deserving of a point from this game. It’s all over and the All-Whites are jubilant. Fair play to them.
GOAL!!! Reid 93 mins
Three minutes added time for New Zealand to salvage something from the game. Slovakia waste time by throwing Kukca on for the impressive Vladimir Weiss.
And just as I say that, Smeltz has a great chance with a header on Lochhead’s cross but he only succeeds in diverting it wide but he saw it late after the ball flew over Skrtel’s head. That’s probably the last chance they’ll have to equalise.
Game slowly and painfully petering to a close, no side looks remotely close to scoring in the last few minutes.
The goalscoer, Robert Vittek is leaving the field to be replaced by 20 year old midfielder, Miroslav Stoch. No chance of using my ‘auld stoch’ pun then.
Holosko on for Sestak for Slovakia, who are content to sit back and absorb whatever New Zealand can throw at them, which isn’t a lot.
Fallon with an extremly speculative effort from the edge of the box and it’s way over the bar. First effort from the All-Whites in a long time. They don’t look like getting the goal their performance deserves I’m afraid.
Sestak plays a one two with Vittek on the edge of the box but the ball bounces a mile in the air from Vittek’s through ball and gives Lochhead enough time to get back and make a challenge. Slovakia moving in for the kill here.
Jendrisek with a decent cross from the left wing but Martin Keown isn’t impressed. ‘Superman wouldn’t get on the end of that one’, he opines.
18 year old Chris Wood of West Brom comes on for New Zealand in place of Chris Killen. He’ll have just under 20 minutes to make an impact.
Packie from Donabate doesn’t agree with my assertion that neither Slovakia or New Zealand will qualify from Group G.
“Not sure you’re right Conor. If Slovakia get out of this with a win then I’d expect them to pip either Italy or Paraguay to the second spot. Italy could be the ones to go out – they were dismal last night“.
Fair enough Packie, but you can hardly have been impressed by Slovakia today, they’ve been terrible.
Reid prevents a certain goal for Slovakia with a fine last ditch block on Vittek. Lovely interplay between Vittek and Sestak to create the chance for the former.
Hamsik with another opportunity for Slovakia but blazes his effort over the bar. For somebody so highly rated, he’s been terrible today. It was a point raised in the office today that those expected to shine have failed to deliver so far. Angel di Maria is another who failed to live up to expectations and a few of the hyped Italian lads were poor last night. Anyone else you can think of?
Italy and Paraguay won’t be quaking in their boots at the sight of this. Those two should qualify easily if this game is anything to go by.
New Zealand keeping the ball well but not going anywhere with it. Smeltz or Fallon haven’t got a kick second half.
Weiss causing problems again but Paston and Elliott combine to put an end to a good run. Weiss is only 20, but honestly you’d be asking him for ID at a teenage disco. He looks about 12.
Strba booked for Slovakia after a second dirty challenge on Simon Elliot within a matter of minutes. At least there’s a bit of bite to the game now.
Slovakia look a lot better already, Sestak causing problems with a direct run at the heart of the defence, but he gives it away on the edge of the box. Weiss also picking up where he left off in the first half.
It was Sestak with the cross for the Slovakia goal but replays show that Vittek was marginally offside when he whipped it in. New Zealand in hard luck.
Slovakia 1-0 New Zealand. Simple really. A cross from the right lands right on the head of Robert Vittek and the striker plants a header low into the far corner. The game needed that.
GOAL!!! Vittek (50mins)
No changes on either side but no doubt Vlaidimir Weiss Senior gave his side a rollicking at the break. If he didn’t, he should have done.
Back underway in Rustenburg.
New Zealand keeper Mark Paston doing something resembling the robot dance during the first half. He’s been shocking.
Noel Gallagher of Oasis fame is talking about his World Cup memories during the half time break on the BBC. Diana Ross’ hilarious penalty miss in the opening ceremony in USA gets a mention as does Italy’s win in the last World Cup. Allesandro del Piero is a good mate of Gallagher’s apparently and had the guitarist as his guest at the semi-final and the final. He made Gallagher wear the same clothes for the final because he thought they were lucky. Well, it worked for him so I’m not going to argue.
Half time in Rustenburg. After what was a decent start, the last half an hour of that half was painful. Excruciatingly so, having teeth pulled would be a more pleasurable experience. In fairness to New Zealand they’ve been decent and have looked the better side. Slovakia have been awful and from this showing, Ireland will have nothing to fear apart from Vladimir Weiss on the wing. Surely, the second half can’t be any worse.
Once again, Paston flaps at a cross really unconvincingly. if Slovakia are going to score, it could well be off a mistake from the keeper. He looks shocking.
Great effort from Hamsik. Free kick is squared to the Slovakian captain who sends in a stinging shot from the edge of the box. Paston finally does something right and palms the ball over the bar.
Paston is at it again. From a corner, Durica heads the ball across the six yard box and Paston lets it go right across his body without getting a touch. Luckily for him, Killen was on hand to hook the ball to safety.
Shane Smeltz makes his first real impression with a left foot half volley from a tight angle. Mucha gets a hand to it but the ref signals for a goal kick. Harsh.
I don’t know if it’s the ball or not, but some of the touches have been rapist-like on both sides.
Vittek has a go from about 25 yards off his left which flies narrowly wide. Shoot on sight is definitely the best policy wth that clown between the sticks.
Paston messes up again, this time it’s a routine clearance and it’s a classic trying to hit the ball with one foot but knocking it away with the other before making clean contact. sastek picks up on the mistake but can’t punish New Zealand. He’s very, very dodgy, the All-Whites keeper.
After a decent start, this game has descended into pure dross. It’s dull and dour and devoid of any quality. I feel like Terry Wogan when he used to commentate on the Eurovision, trying to find the positives but having all enthusiasm sucked from me by the paucity of quality on display.
First corner for Slovakia and Paston was all over the place, flapping at the ball and not getting anywhere near it. The ball came of Skrtel but ended up well wide. Let off for New Zealand.
Sestak with a decent chance for Slovakia and again it’s Weiss who’s the supplier with some more fancy footwork. Sastek picks up a pass from the youngter and fires wide from 12 yards. Should have done better really.
Slovakia have been very disappointing so far, they can’t hold on to the ball against a team made up of some amateurs and some who don’t even have a club. Weiss the only one looking in any way decent.
Hamsik with a chance for Slovakia after some silky sills down the left wing from Weiss. Hamsik tried to curl it in at the back post but didn’t get enough bend on it and it was a good distance wide in the end.
More empty seats and more mexican waves in Rustenburg, two features of the World Cup so far.
Needless to say, we haven’t been impressed much with the first few games in South Africa. Click here to read why we think the World Cup has been so shit.
Marek Hamsik is ‘a both-footed player’ according to Martin Keown. Martin’s grammar not as good as his defending it seems.
Hand on heart, this hasn’t been a bad game so far, or maybe I just think it’s OK because my expectations were so low in the first place. Stick with this one people, it could be the best game of the tournament!
Rory Fallon looking to pounce for New Zealand from another cross, which looks like it might be New Zealand’s best way of finding a breakthrough.
Weiss looks dangerous already, he’s done just enough to convince me in five minutes that he’s not only in the team because his father is the manager.
Killen has another chance from a header but it’s straight at Mucha in the Slovakian goal, who spills it for a moment before grasping it gratefully. Good start from New Zealand.
First shot in anger from New Zealand’s Chris Killen and it’s as weak as urine, taking about ten seconds to float over the bar from 25 yards.
Bookies don’t give New Zealand a hope in hell. They’re 6/1 to win, while Slovakia can be backed at 8/15. The draw is 14/5. Click here for a bit more info on the Slovakian team.
Underway in Rustenberg.
Nearly ready to go in Rustenburg and it’s freezing cold apparently. Not much support for the All-Whites in JOE Towers, hammerings being predicted all around. There was pressure put on the team lately to change their name to include the word black like the rugby team, who are of course known as the All-Blacks. The basketball team are known as the tall blacks and the badminton team, I shit you not, are known as the black cocks.
More facts on New Zealand. They failed to score a goal in the Confederations Cup, but caused rioting amongst Serbian fans when they defeated them in a friendly prior to the World Cup. Feel free by the way, to send any comments you might have to shout@joe.ie.
Slovakia in case you’ve forgotten will be in Ireland’s group for the European Championship qualifiers. Hamsik in midfield and Vladimir Weiss on the wing are particularly handy. If they’re in the mood they could give New Zealand a good going over today.
What the hell is with Didi Hamann’s eyebrows? They look like tiny, hairy snakes above his eyes and combined with his German/Scouse accent, Hamann makes for an extremely comical figure. The lads in the RTE studio are struggling to muster up some enthusiasm for the big game.
Some interesting facts about the New Zealand team for you. Two players, Simon Elliott and David Mulligan don’t have a club at all and the main man Shane Smeltz, used to play for Halifax Town and AFC Wimbledon. They only qualified because Australia decided to qualify through Asia rather than Oceania and struggled to overcome the might of Bahrain over two legs in a qualification play-off. By all accounts they were outplayed but managed to prevail by a single goal in the end. Still fancy their chances? For more info on the All-Whites, click here.
Teams:
New Zealand: Aston, Lochhead, Reid, Nelsen, Smith, Ivan Vicelich, Simon Elliott, Bertos, Smeltz, Killen, Fallon
Slovakia: Mucha, Skrtel, Cech, Zabavnik, Strba, Weiss, Durica, Hamsik, Sestak, Vittek, Jendrisek
Good afternoon folks and welcome to JOE’s live coverage of the Group G clash between New Zealand and Slovakia. Looks like I’ve drawn the short straw in the office by being chosen to cover possibly the least glamourous tie of the World Cup to date, while the demonic Sports Editor Shane Breslin has decided to sit tight and wait until Portugal and Ivory Coast before he starts doing some work today.
But, worry not, I will make the experience as enjoyable as possible and make it as sunny and bright as the fantastic weather outside today. Team news to follow shortly.
