Many might deny it, but reading the papers while on the bog is a pastime enjoyed by the vast majority of males out there. Saves time too.
Don’t listen to any man worth his salt who tells you he doesn’t read in the jacks because he’s a bare-faced liar. It’s not something you would want to discuss, for example, when dining with the in-laws or in the canteen on your first day in a new job, but scoff as other people might at your bathroom habits, they really know the score.
Men the world over have been doing it for generations and will continue to do it even when papers are a thing of the past and we’re all reading our iPads, Kindles or whatever new-fangled technology that might come our way in the future, blatantly ignoring the quite potent threat of water damage all around them.
We do it for the simple reason that the jacks provide us with a sanctuary; they allow us to indulge in our own little bit of escapism from whatever troubles we might be burdened with. The door is locked (presumably) and nobody dares enter. It’s just you and your bit of paper and aside from when you’re flat out asleep, it’s the best alone time you’ll get.
Anyone that suggests it’s a bit glib to suggest reading on the jacks as a time-saving tip is underestimating just how long some spend buried in the papers every day and just how long we’re prepared to spend on the bog.
Take The Sunday Times for example. There must be 16 different sections in that paper and there are some of us who won’t rest until we’ve ploughed through at least, er, five of them.
The sports section alone after a big event could be up to 30 pages thick and once you’ve started through one double-paged spread, you’re not going to leave until you’re through.
Forty-five minutes later, you return to reality only to discover that the rest of the family have decided that you’re either missing or dead and have headed off for the Sunday dinner, leaving you hungry but satisfied that last night’s major sporting events are crystal clear in the memory.
With the advent of smartphones and such, why stop at simply reading the papers? Send e-mails, interact on Facebook and Twitter, why not Skype your buddy in Australia while you’re at it? And if it’s close to bedtime, brush your teeth or even (be very careful) have a shave and save yourself doing it in the morning.
If that sounds like multi-tasking gone mad, start small at just reading and work your way upwards. And, hey if you want to add a whole new world of luxury and comfort to the whole thing, try out the wonderful invention pictured below, the Loo Read, which we’re 99 per cent sure is where the iconic Velvet Underground singer got his name, and not the other way around.
